Farmville: The Video Game!

I have never myself played Farmville but as I understand it the game does not have an end. As a former recovering gamer who used to waste countless hours playing video games I cannot fathom playing a game that does not end. Today on the Soge Shirts blog I'm going to free all Facebook users once and for all as my protagonist Farmville Franny will attempt to beat the game Farmville.

As the game starts Farmville Franny is looking for the magical rake of justice that will finally bring rain to her dry farmland so her crops will grow. She know she must defeat a multitude of farm evil. Here are the villains she must defeat and each villains strengths and weaknesses.

Golden Chicken Little- Golden Chicken little is exactly like regular chicken little quite scared and frightened. He is by far the easiest of the Farmville enemies. All Franny must do is press the A button for threat and Golden Chicken little will give her a golden egg and run like the sky is falling. This golden egg can be used later.

Captain Moodur- Captain Moodur is a much more difficult opponent for Franny. He is a murderous cow and is directly responsible for the Chick Fil A eat more chiken cows who are his henchmen. His moves that Franny must avoid are the uddercut which is where he uses his udders to uppercut Franny. His most dangerous move is unpasteurized milk in which he shoots organic milk into your mouth. To defeat Captain Moodur Franny must find the mighty Mcdonalds meat packing plant.

The Skinless Potato- This level three bad guy is a potato with no skin and this is very angry. They say he may be Mr. Potato heads less famous older brother and thus became insane due to all the attention his plastic surgery loving brother was getting. The Skinless potato's moves that Franny must avoid are the spud scud in which the skinless potato peels a piece of himself with a knife and launches it at Farmville Franny's head and the tater crater. The Tater crater has never been used before but rumors are that the skinless potato has no genitals and that the crater involves something with his lack of genitals. Needless to say Farmville Franny must avoid this at all costs.

The Bowl Weevil- The bowl weevil is a pest that destroys crops but the one crop he never destroys is Marijuana. Most of the time the bowl weevil is too lazy to even attempt to get off its magic couch to destroy crops. It spends most of its days trying to turn the skinless potato into potato chips to cure its munchies. The bowl weevils main threat to Franny is that he will attempt to befriend her and get her to take a hit with him. If Franny can't resist his very persuasive phrase "just one quick one, just one" she may never get find the magical rake of justice or get employed by a home depot.

Farmville Users- The second to last villain in the game is Farmville users. Farmville users never want the game to end and will keep recruiting you to join Farmville like you were joining the skull and bones society at yale or a very charismatic cult. They will try to bribe Franny with Farmville gifts such as coins, chickens, cats, and even rats if that is what you are into. Anything to get Facebook users into their Farmville fam. For Franny to defeat them she must delete many of her Facebook friends and avoid adding new Facebook friends.

Colonel Kernel- Colonel Kernel is a well decorated piece of corn that has served in the Farmville army for many years. Recently he became elected as the head dictator of Farmville. He is the last boss in the game and only smashing his head with the golden egg can defeat him. His main weapons are his patented "oh no its stuck in my teeth" attack where he annoys you into submission by getting his corn stuck into your teeth. He also can change forms into ethanol which is usually quite ineffective. Once Franny defeats the Colonel she must shuck him to receive the magical rake of justice.

Good luck Franny in defeating Farmville. No one has done it yet but may you become a legend!

Cuddle party rap

In Sweden people are getting together to have cuddle parties in which people get together to touch each other in a non sexual way. I'm sure its only a matter of time before Swedish rappers begin to brag about their cuddling conquests so I decided I would beat them to the punch. My rap name will be Vanilla Nice and this rap is entitled "I'm gonna cuddle you."

I take command like a quarterback in the huddle
Girl you know I won't be subtle
cause girl we about to cuddle
I'm gonna cuddle you.

Like a pack of sleeping puppies curling up to their mom
My non sexual prowess goes to the break of dawn
so make sure to put your sweatpants and sweatshirt on
I'm gonna cuddle you

Chorus:
Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Columbus may have sailed the ocean blue
Thomas Jefferson told us what to do
George Clooney may have made love to you
but girl he never got to cuddle you.

When you need your cuddle fix like that
hit me up on that yahoo chat
I'll be your warm personal teddy bear
So bring over a blanket to share

Chorus:
Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Where Rainbows Come From featured on I Am the Trend TV Tonight

Hey guys exciting news today. Our shirt Where Rainbows Come From seen above is going to be reviewed by the Tshirt and music review guys from I Am The Trend Television.

We need as many Soge supporters as we can get tonight at 9 pm eastern 6 pm pst over at http://www.justin.tv/staticontv so come check out I am the Trend TV tonight at 9 pm eastern. If you register at justin.tv for free you can even chat in the chat room and root us on. We may get some haters because I am the Trend usually reviews graphic tshirts instead of funny t shirts so any support you can throw our way will be much appreciated. Dave and I hope you can make it.

13 reasons Vampire Sex is dangerous

Ladies boinking the undead has returned to popularity in the last few years with the twilight saga, True blood,and Vampire Chronicles. Apparently pasty is tasty as our discolored friends our getting more things sucked as opposed to sucking blood. Here are thirteen reasons you may want to reconsider having sex with a vampire.

1. When having sex with a vampire you always need the male to wear a garlic condom for protection.

2. Herpes and Vampires have a lot in common, they're immortal and just won't go away so be careful.

3. Vampires sneak out during the night even more than regular guys do.

4. Vampires bites necks for their pleasure not yours.

5. Since vampires never die they are likely to have racked up a large amount of sexual partners and you know they love to talk about their history.

6. Vampires will steal your makeup and lipstick.

Photo by by Red Monkey Virus licensed by http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/

7. Instead of being deadbeat dads vampires are deaddead dads.

8. Vampires suck in bed.

9. Once you go bat you always get fat, or dead.

10. Some vampires trick you into having sex with them even though they are actually women. They don't call it Transylvania for nothing.

11. If you go back to his place Castles are not all they are cracked up to be. Good luck finding toilet paper.

12. After sex you have to spoon hanging upside down.

13. Once you get dumped werewolves sneak in as the rebound guy.

We need your vote, cause Once Again, We love our fans more and more

One of our awesome fans has somehow liked our tee shirt designs, and given us a great chance to earn some props! We're up for best top 10 designs of 2009 from a zazzle shop. Where Rainbows Come From, I'm not sure where they're created but I've got a gaseous feeling it's somewhere special. Like from a Unicorn!

HELP us out by casting your vote for the Top 10 Funniest Zazzle Designs of 2009, that's a big year.

Much Luv,

Soge Shirts


VOTE HERE Top 10 Funniest Zazzle Designs of 2009

http://www.squidoo.com/make-me-laugh-top-10-funniest-designs-of-2009/71569971-where-rainbows-come-from

If you like the shirt, and want to get free shipping on our zazzle store, use this code today only! FREESHIP2DAY

Rob from T-Shirt Strategy interviews David Cree from Soge shirts

Hey everyone Tim from Soge shirts here. Exciting news our friend Rob from the ladies clothing line Lady Umbrella interviewed my partner in crime David Cree about the Funny Tees he designs, our philosophy on pricing, plans for the future and more. If you think this is going to be a boring interview think again. Here is a short snippet in which David discusses how he came up with the idea for the "Every time you Eat meat a hippie drops a happy sack shirt"



Rob - Every time you eat meat a hippie drops a hacky sack - I laughed when I saw this. You happen to be at a bbq and witness said event or are you the hapless hacky sack hippie?

David - I used to live out of my car for a few months, and carried multiple hacky sacks around to all the people's places I crashed at. Met many different people, and a few were hippies. Great, wonderful, amazing people, not because they associated with the hippie group, but of who they are. We talked long and hard about the circle of life, and how you have to keep the hacky sack going to everyone to complete the circle. When it dropped we joked about people dying, or trees falling every time someone drops the hacky sack.

Catch the rest of the interview over at T-Shirt Strategy: Soge Shirts Interview

Facebook suggestions quiz

Facebook has always been known as a bit intrusive. You can find people's emails, phone numbers, scantily clad pictures, or even status updates that bash the boss of the company. Lately Facebook has decided to take creepy to new heights with their personal suggestions urging me to make facebook better for one of my facebook friends by either sending them a message or writing on their wall. Here is a fun little quiz with some possible facebook suggestions. The correct answer worth 4 points is the creepiest or most messed up answer with the second creepiest/messed up answer being three points.

1. Facebook Suggestion: Your facebook friend Kevin has just been laid off by his job. Please make Kevin feel better by...

A. Writing him a nice uplifting message
B. Giving him some Farmville land to help him back on his feet
C. Write on his wall that he should "enjoy the food stamps"
D. Threaten him that he better return your superpokes cause bro you
have free time.

2. Facebook suggestion: Your facebook friend Tina just got engaged after two weeks of dating. Congratulate her by ....

A. Register for her wedding by giving her a Lil Green Patch cactus plant
B. Calling her on her facebook posted phone number to congratulate her
C. Congratulate her on the obvious pregnancy via her wall which causes
her mom to delete her as a facebook friend.
D. Create a facebook group planning her bachelorette party

3. Facebook suggestion: Your significant other Charlie (male or female) just posted a status message stating that "I should have looked what was in my burrito." Help him/her by...

A. Create the fan page bathroom follies and post their picture
B. Send them a Pepto Bismol using virtual pharmacy
C. Send them a link for baby wipes
D. Change your relationship status to single

4. Facebook suggestion: Lacey is bored and wants something to do. Tell her something to do...

A. Waste hours trying to have a conversation on facebook chat
B. Facebook please stop trying to control me. You are a social media network and I find it really creepy that you know who on my friends list that I have or haven't interacted with much. I may have to file a restraining order using the fuck off and die application.
C. Tell her to go watch some shitty vampire show on tv
D. Recruit her to your mafia in mafia wars.

Now for the answers listed in the order of most creepy. 4 points for creepiest 1 for least etc.

1. D,C,B,A
2. C,B,D,A
3. A,D,C,B
4. B,A,C,D

If you scored 13-16 points Congrats you are creepy enough to work for Facebook
9-12 points I bet you wear capes and bow ties
5-8 points Someday you'll earn your trenchcoat and binoculars
1-4 points Aww you are too nice and often boring