It's over American mimes

The American Mime used to be able to make a pretty penny from doing the lean, the rope, and the mime trapped in the box. With acrobatic french mimes from Cirque de Soleil, that isn't going to cut it anymore. It's time to step your game up American mime. Why should we watch your same humdrum unfunny antics when we can watch crazy mime contortionists doing backflips and summersaults 300 feet in the air?

You need to free yourself from the limitations of your box. Maybe you should copy the whimsical nature of the French mimes. At least copy their magical butter and fat based diets. Mix in a baguette and some wine, and you could do the splits while twirling downwards on a curtain that is hanging from the rafters. Next try holding your breath underwater for ten minutes, while doing your box routine. It will be more believable. Get your mime on while bungee jumping off the golden gate bridge. Go hang gliding blindfolded. Whatever you do, that mime sad face and waving isn't going to cut it anymore. You better take my criticisms to heart because I hear those French mimes just bought some blindfolds and a hang glider.