Dance Crazes

Everyone loves a great dance craze. It started with "head, shoulders, knees and toes on that tuesday back in the day", the zany running man, the mullet rocking achy breaky shuffle, and the "moving around in a circle, never looked so nauseating" Macarena. Today we're going to look at some future possible dance crazes.


Tiny Tequilla- A dance where both dance partners do Tila Tequilla pole grind dance moves and then simulate down south adventures on each other. It might catch on at the high schools.

The Disney Channel- A dance in which there is no touching, not even innocent touching. Two second stares are allowed, however batting eyelashes too long is grounds for dance floor removal. You must be at least ten feet away from your partner and your dancing must not be sensual. You don't want to arouse your partners happy zone from across the room. Inspired by the Jonas brothers.

The Politician- First before doing the politician you lie and say you are a great dancer. Then you trip up over your own feet, put your foot in your mouth, spin spin spin, and backtrack away from the dance floor.

The Hand Grenade- Do some generic dance moves before faking like you are opening a pin of a grenade and throwing it into the dance floor somewhere. After five seconds jump two steps back, duck and cover your ears. This is a great dance at weddings

I'll take one of each - Starting with one partner, don't dance, but smash waistlines while you hold your drink above your head, throw pointer fingers at the bouncer, and wink furiously at each person you can find. Improvisation is welcomed. Next step is to slowly switch partners with the person next to you, and continuously wash the back of your pants or dress, with that partners frontal region. Pace yourself, because you're going to switch partners again in a minute

The Hangover- Grab your head like you have a headache and dance disoriented like you're a confused zombie that couldn't find any brains (my normal dancing style). Sporadically fling out the phrase, "i'm soo wasted."At the end drink water and fake like you are going to down two aspirin.

First impressions based on shoes

Some women make their first impressions of a new guy that they meet based on what type of shoes they wear. I used to wear shoes with no laces that zipped up, imagine how much i can please you ladies. Lets try some immediate judgments. Loafers equals rich while vans mean a skater surfer guy. What do clogs say about a man? He's either dutch or retarded I would guess. I don't know ladies judge away. What if you don't even wear shoes? Poor right? Got to be poor, but maybe he doesn't want to be branded and labeled and he's doing it all for show. Incorrect! A dude with no shoes is in fact a poor mofo.

One type of shoes that turn women off throughout time is the sandal. Even when the sandal was invented in roman times women detested the sandal. The sandal appalled the fashion sense of women so much that they wouldn't have sex with the men so the fellas had to resort to banging each other rather than give up the freedom of the sandal. One of my biggest mistakes of my youth occurred about five years ago when I decided to rock sandals at the club for a young ladies birthday who I had a crush on. I guess I thought I was "the Dude" from the big Lebowski. Needless to say between my clumsy white boy dance moves and open toed footwear my night did not go as I planned. I will give myself some credit though for stealthily sneaking in my piece of crap sandals ninja style into the club. So remember ladies try to look at more than our shoes before you judge us, but if you catch us wearing clogs, no shoes at all or sandals judge away cause those dudes probably are douchebags. I know I was.