Mark Zuckerberg remakes the constitution

Mark Zuckerberg: Eww this constitution is so Eww it really needs to have some changes made.

Thomas Jefferson: Changes? What changes pray tell should we make to the constitution it's nearly a document of perfection and my life's work?

Mark Zuckerberg: Omg have you seen me fiddle with Facebook. Every document even the Constitution, should be fiddled with every three months, even if the changes make the document worse.

Ben Franklin: What do you suggest Mark?

Mark Zuckerberg: First we got to get rid of this We the people crap. We need more room for pictures at the top and status updates. I just changed my status on the top of the constitution to Mark Zuckerberg is fixing up the constitution. Needs lot of work... LOL

Thomas Jefferson: Why do we need pictures at the top of the constitution?

Mark Zuckerberg: Don't you want to see what Johnny A and Georgie W are up to? I bet they are taking some awesome drunken pics with John Handcock.

Ben Franklin: It's Hancock.

Mark Zuckerberg: Whatevs. Just changed my status update to Ben Franklin is Bifocalsexual. LOL. Oh by the way Thomas Jefferson you just got a constitution relationship request from Sally.

Thomas Jefferson: I know no such Sally. Please deny her formal request for indicating we are in a relationship.

Mark Zuckerberg: Too late. Already accepted it. She already posted on the preamble part that you are the baby's daddy. Oh man my version of the constitution is much more entertaining.

Ben Franklin: This is an abomination. What business is it of ours to know of Jefferson's trysts and non political escapades?

Mark Zuckerberg: Apparently everyone's. James Madison just wrote like, and now Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr are arguing over just how big of a scuzzbucket you are Jefferson. This is getting so good.

Thomas Jefferson: Look at the malice and mayhem you are causing with all these changes to the constitution. This needs to stop.

Mark Zuckerberg: I agree I just changed the constitution again to add locations to check in. Paul Revere checked in at the Boston horse shop and the British just got hold of it and stopped him from riding to Lexington.

Ben Franklin: You fool you just got Hancock and Samuel Adams arrested by the King.

Mark Zuckerberg: Oh well one less beer off the market, I'm so sad LOL. Now I'm off to change the status of the Gettysburg address. Later Failing fathers.

Founding fathers: a present day conversation

Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin enjoying a conversation in present day Philadelphia at the local seven eleven.


Thomas Jefferson: Benjamin Franklin whence has our language of English dissipated into the current cesspool like state of ill be gone skull duggery?

Benjamin Franklin: Relax bro. You just got to roll with the times you know what i'm saying?

Thomas Jefferson: Pray tell whatever do you mean? The tongue of a 2008 imbecile you have acquired and I have no thought, whim, or idea of what you are speaking of.

Benjamin Franklin: I'm sick of your bullshit dawg. Can't you be cool for once.

Thomas Jefferson: Must every syllable out of your mouth be of cursory? You swear as frequently as the tealess distributors of the East India tea company.

Benjamin Franklin: That is how we talk down here. Swear words are adjectives for example right now i'm going to do some bomb ass mushrooms and fly a kite yo.

Thomas Jefferson: You will locate me yonder as I would prefer to exclude myself from the proximity of these mushroom ass bombs. They sounds quiet unpleasant.

Benjamin Franklin: Bitch go buy me some funyuns . For such a smart guy you aren't adjusting too well to the 2000's. Oh snap I just got a text from the JQA.

Thomas Jefferson: Who prey tell is the JQA?

Benjamin Franklin: John Quincy Adams fool. He's in vegas with two call girls and he's down on his luck cause he just lost his horses at the tables.

Thomas Jefferson: Well at least he retained his slave workers.

Benjamin Franklin: Shit son do you want to get capped? There ain't no slaves here. That was our worst idea. This world is all about equality. We may speak like dumb ass mo fo's sometimes but at least we get along down here. Remember all men are created equal and that includes women as well.

Thomas Jefferson: I see but without other people taking up my flowerly pursuits and chores how will i ever get out my eloquent documents and phrases, many of which are completely irrelevant in todays world?

Benjamin Franklin: You're still a rich ass white man. Just pay the less well off to do the work for you.

Thomas Jefferson: Well put well put. Now i know what you are saying.