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Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Horror

So Friday the 13th the 42nd is now once again number one at the box office. How many more horror remakes can we take? I believe there is a perpetual horror green room filled with Michael Myers from Halloween, Jason from Friday the 13th, and Chucky from Child's Play and they all play rock, paper, scissors to see which crappy franchise to remake. If they are going to do a remake at least add a twist to it. Here are some horror movie remakes that might be a bit more fun.

Seniors play- In this remake of Child's Play Chucky the satanic doll has aged quite a bit and is no longer stabbing his victims with a butcher knife. Instead Chucky now called Charles, because no 70 year old man should be named Chucky, is confined to an old folks home and is hitting his victims feebly with a cane. Whenever he hits someone he is denied his bread pudding and has to go to bed at 4pm. The movie ends with Charles adopting a stuffed animal puppy.

Carrie 4 in the city- In this remake Carrie is once again doused with blood and freaks out. She gets blood dumped on her by Peta for wearing too many fur coats to fashion shows she is covering for her magazine. Because of this she freaks out and in a fit of rage divorces her husband Mr. Big. She moves in with her friend Samantha and they chase young twenty somethings into their sixties. Hint: The references in here are to a TV show that I won't admit to watching/liking but its pretty good.

Nightmare on Wall street- Freddy Krueger no longer haunts peoples' dreams he just hangs out on Wall street shooting the shit with depressed businessmen. He doesn't even kill people anymore he just tries to help people rebuild their 401k's and provide moral support. Don't ask him about Obama's stimulus bill cause he tends to always want to slash every program in site.


Momisodes said...

ROFL! You are a genius. I would definitely watch these!

I had to giggle when you rolled out the details and characters from Sex and the City. *ahem* the movie is pretty good, too ;)

Pand0ra Wilde said...

Thanks for the ROFL--I needed that today (back's raising hell again and I have a meeting 4 hours away tonight).


So glad to read this! As usual you made me laugh and laugh!!

ssgreylord said...

ahh, it's been a while since i've been exposed to tim humor. i love it.