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Monday, March 22, 2010

Farmville: The Video Game!

I have never myself played Farmville but as I understand it the game does not have an end. As a former recovering gamer who used to waste countless hours playing video games I cannot fathom playing a game that does not end. Today on the Soge Shirts blog I'm going to free all Facebook users once and for all as my protagonist Farmville Franny will attempt to beat the game Farmville.

As the game starts Farmville Franny is looking for the magical rake of justice that will finally bring rain to her dry farmland so her crops will grow. She know she must defeat a multitude of farm evil. Here are the villains she must defeat and each villains strengths and weaknesses.

Golden Chicken Little- Golden Chicken little is exactly like regular chicken little quite scared and frightened. He is by far the easiest of the Farmville enemies. All Franny must do is press the A button for threat and Golden Chicken little will give her a golden egg and run like the sky is falling. This golden egg can be used later.

Captain Moodur- Captain Moodur is a much more difficult opponent for Franny. He is a murderous cow and is directly responsible for the Chick Fil A eat more chiken cows who are his henchmen. His moves that Franny must avoid are the uddercut which is where he uses his udders to uppercut Franny. His most dangerous move is unpasteurized milk in which he shoots organic milk into your mouth. To defeat Captain Moodur Franny must find the mighty Mcdonalds meat packing plant.

The Skinless Potato- This level three bad guy is a potato with no skin and this is very angry. They say he may be Mr. Potato heads less famous older brother and thus became insane due to all the attention his plastic surgery loving brother was getting. The Skinless potato's moves that Franny must avoid are the spud scud in which the skinless potato peels a piece of himself with a knife and launches it at Farmville Franny's head and the tater crater. The Tater crater has never been used before but rumors are that the skinless potato has no genitals and that the crater involves something with his lack of genitals. Needless to say Farmville Franny must avoid this at all costs.

The Bowl Weevil- The bowl weevil is a pest that destroys crops but the one crop he never destroys is Marijuana. Most of the time the bowl weevil is too lazy to even attempt to get off its magic couch to destroy crops. It spends most of its days trying to turn the skinless potato into potato chips to cure its munchies. The bowl weevils main threat to Franny is that he will attempt to befriend her and get her to take a hit with him. If Franny can't resist his very persuasive phrase "just one quick one, just one" she may never get find the magical rake of justice or get employed by a home depot.

Farmville Users- The second to last villain in the game is Farmville users. Farmville users never want the game to end and will keep recruiting you to join Farmville like you were joining the skull and bones society at yale or a very charismatic cult. They will try to bribe Franny with Farmville gifts such as coins, chickens, cats, and even rats if that is what you are into. Anything to get Facebook users into their Farmville fam. For Franny to defeat them she must delete many of her Facebook friends and avoid adding new Facebook friends.

Colonel Kernel- Colonel Kernel is a well decorated piece of corn that has served in the Farmville army for many years. Recently he became elected as the head dictator of Farmville. He is the last boss in the game and only smashing his head with the golden egg can defeat him. His main weapons are his patented "oh no its stuck in my teeth" attack where he annoys you into submission by getting his corn stuck into your teeth. He also can change forms into ethanol which is usually quite ineffective. Once Franny defeats the Colonel she must shuck him to receive the magical rake of justice.

Good luck Franny in defeating Farmville. No one has done it yet but may you become a legend!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Cuddle party rap

In Sweden people are getting together to have cuddle parties in which people get together to touch each other in a non sexual way. I'm sure its only a matter of time before Swedish rappers begin to brag about their cuddling conquests so I decided I would beat them to the punch. My rap name will be Vanilla Nice and this rap is entitled "I'm gonna cuddle you."

I take command like a quarterback in the huddle
Girl you know I won't be subtle
cause girl we about to cuddle
I'm gonna cuddle you.

Like a pack of sleeping puppies curling up to their mom
My non sexual prowess goes to the break of dawn
so make sure to put your sweatpants and sweatshirt on
I'm gonna cuddle you

Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Columbus may have sailed the ocean blue
Thomas Jefferson told us what to do
George Clooney may have made love to you
but girl he never got to cuddle you.

When you need your cuddle fix like that
hit me up on that yahoo chat
I'll be your warm personal teddy bear
So bring over a blanket to share

Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Where Rainbows Come From featured on I Am the Trend TV Tonight

Hey guys exciting news today. Our shirt Where Rainbows Come From seen above is going to be reviewed by the Tshirt and music review guys from I Am The Trend Television.

We need as many Soge supporters as we can get tonight at 9 pm eastern 6 pm pst over at so come check out I am the Trend TV tonight at 9 pm eastern. If you register at for free you can even chat in the chat room and root us on. We may get some haters because I am the Trend usually reviews graphic tshirts instead of funny t shirts so any support you can throw our way will be much appreciated. Dave and I hope you can make it.