Cuddle party rap

In Sweden people are getting together to have cuddle parties in which people get together to touch each other in a non sexual way. I'm sure its only a matter of time before Swedish rappers begin to brag about their cuddling conquests so I decided I would beat them to the punch. My rap name will be Vanilla Nice and this rap is entitled "I'm gonna cuddle you."

I take command like a quarterback in the huddle
Girl you know I won't be subtle
cause girl we about to cuddle
I'm gonna cuddle you.

Like a pack of sleeping puppies curling up to their mom
My non sexual prowess goes to the break of dawn
so make sure to put your sweatpants and sweatshirt on
I'm gonna cuddle you

Chorus:
Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Columbus may have sailed the ocean blue
Thomas Jefferson told us what to do
George Clooney may have made love to you
but girl he never got to cuddle you.

When you need your cuddle fix like that
hit me up on that yahoo chat
I'll be your warm personal teddy bear
So bring over a blanket to share

Chorus:
Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Suburban Rap

Suburban Rap? What's Suburban rap? Suburban rap is the art of taking a rappers lyrics to the suburbs. For example the lyrics for "I like big butts and I cannot lie" suburbanized would be I adore plump derriers and I cannot mislead. Basically I make the lyrics as far away from the streets as possible, because as a sheltered middle class white guy I know nothing of the streets. I don't carry guns with me, i carry a stick of chewing gum or some mints thus suburban rap is born.

Lets try a suburban rap together. Lets use Ludacris song lyrics "Move bitch! Get out the way" The first thing that needs to go is "move" cause its not too polite. Excuse me is more tact and likely to get a much more pleasant response in my land of white picket fences and 2.3 kids. Next that ugly b word has to go. In the suburbs we say miss even if the woman is a total soccer mom bitch. So move bitch suburbanized becomes Excuse me miss. The second part is a bit tricky, we need to be polite but firm as the bitch is still in our path. I think the best course of action here is a combo play. Start with a nonthreatening question like "would you" or "can you" to show some down home cornbread manners. Then out of nowhere hit her with the please step aside to show you have art galleries or a maroon five concert to get to urgently. Bam you got a suburban rap lyric. Move bitch get out the way just became excuse me miss would you please step aside? We went from a command to a question. Now take a suburban rap lyric "I enjoy it when you call me large father" and try to guess what the original rap lyric was.

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