Win a free bananas gone wild t shirt for women!

Hey guys its free tshirt time! Who doesn't want to win a free tshirt? That was a rhetorical question, so of course you want to win! This time Dave and I are giving away a free Bananas gone wild tshirt to one lucky winner. The shirt is for women but guys who want some bonus points for winning something for the special lady in their life can enter too. Also very soon we will be running a separate contest for the fellas to win a free shirt as well.

There are many ways to enter and you can get one entry for each of these:

1. Comment on this blog post and let us know what your favorite soge shirts tshirt is. Easy! (1 entry)

2. Join/Share our facebook fan page http://www.facebook.com/sogeshirtsfunnytshirts?ref=ts with some friends. Doesn't matter how many people you share with, anything helps. (2 entries 1 for joining 1 for sharing)

3. Email your friends your favorite soge tshirt with an image attached while putting info@sogeshirts.com as a CC in the email. (1 entry)

4. tweet at us (http://twitter.com/sogeshirts or @sogeshirts) your favorite design with the hashtags #sogeshirts #contest 1 entry

5. Comment on our facebook fan page about this blog post telling us your favorite design. 1 entry

6. Sign up for our mailing list on our facebook fan page. (1 entry)

Contest rules:

You do all of those and you have seven entries to win a bananas gone wild t shirt! If we get lots of entries we might give away more than one! So get your entries in. You must be 18 or older to enter! The contest will run two weeks starting today. Please post what you have done on this blog post so we can count all your entries! The contest will run for two weeks and end May 21st! The winner will be picked at random using a random number generator from random.org Good luck and get those entries in!

Farmville: The Video Game!

I have never myself played Farmville but as I understand it the game does not have an end. As a former recovering gamer who used to waste countless hours playing video games I cannot fathom playing a game that does not end. Today on the Soge Shirts blog I'm going to free all Facebook users once and for all as my protagonist Farmville Franny will attempt to beat the game Farmville.

As the game starts Farmville Franny is looking for the magical rake of justice that will finally bring rain to her dry farmland so her crops will grow. She know she must defeat a multitude of farm evil. Here are the villains she must defeat and each villains strengths and weaknesses.

Golden Chicken Little- Golden Chicken little is exactly like regular chicken little quite scared and frightened. He is by far the easiest of the Farmville enemies. All Franny must do is press the A button for threat and Golden Chicken little will give her a golden egg and run like the sky is falling. This golden egg can be used later.

Captain Moodur- Captain Moodur is a much more difficult opponent for Franny. He is a murderous cow and is directly responsible for the Chick Fil A eat more chiken cows who are his henchmen. His moves that Franny must avoid are the uddercut which is where he uses his udders to uppercut Franny. His most dangerous move is unpasteurized milk in which he shoots organic milk into your mouth. To defeat Captain Moodur Franny must find the mighty Mcdonalds meat packing plant.

The Skinless Potato- This level three bad guy is a potato with no skin and this is very angry. They say he may be Mr. Potato heads less famous older brother and thus became insane due to all the attention his plastic surgery loving brother was getting. The Skinless potato's moves that Franny must avoid are the spud scud in which the skinless potato peels a piece of himself with a knife and launches it at Farmville Franny's head and the tater crater. The Tater crater has never been used before but rumors are that the skinless potato has no genitals and that the crater involves something with his lack of genitals. Needless to say Farmville Franny must avoid this at all costs.

The Bowl Weevil- The bowl weevil is a pest that destroys crops but the one crop he never destroys is Marijuana. Most of the time the bowl weevil is too lazy to even attempt to get off its magic couch to destroy crops. It spends most of its days trying to turn the skinless potato into potato chips to cure its munchies. The bowl weevils main threat to Franny is that he will attempt to befriend her and get her to take a hit with him. If Franny can't resist his very persuasive phrase "just one quick one, just one" she may never get find the magical rake of justice or get employed by a home depot.

Farmville Users- The second to last villain in the game is Farmville users. Farmville users never want the game to end and will keep recruiting you to join Farmville like you were joining the skull and bones society at yale or a very charismatic cult. They will try to bribe Franny with Farmville gifts such as coins, chickens, cats, and even rats if that is what you are into. Anything to get Facebook users into their Farmville fam. For Franny to defeat them she must delete many of her Facebook friends and avoid adding new Facebook friends.

Colonel Kernel- Colonel Kernel is a well decorated piece of corn that has served in the Farmville army for many years. Recently he became elected as the head dictator of Farmville. He is the last boss in the game and only smashing his head with the golden egg can defeat him. His main weapons are his patented "oh no its stuck in my teeth" attack where he annoys you into submission by getting his corn stuck into your teeth. He also can change forms into ethanol which is usually quite ineffective. Once Franny defeats the Colonel she must shuck him to receive the magical rake of justice.

Good luck Franny in defeating Farmville. No one has done it yet but may you become a legend!

Where Rainbows Come From featured on I Am the Trend TV Tonight

Hey guys exciting news today. Our shirt Where Rainbows Come From seen above is going to be reviewed by the Tshirt and music review guys from I Am The Trend Television.

We need as many Soge supporters as we can get tonight at 9 pm eastern 6 pm pst over at http://www.justin.tv/staticontv so come check out I am the Trend TV tonight at 9 pm eastern. If you register at justin.tv for free you can even chat in the chat room and root us on. We may get some haters because I am the Trend usually reviews graphic tshirts instead of funny t shirts so any support you can throw our way will be much appreciated. Dave and I hope you can make it.

Twitter glossary updated

I like using twitter to keep up with my favorite blogs and let my many awesome extremely intelligent and remarkable fans know that I have a new blog post to annoy them er entertain them with. One thing that I love about twitter is its 140 character limit. This forces me to send little short blurbs that hopefully get to the point. Usually these points are whining. Twitter is great for whining. I like complaining about the 70 degree and sunny weather out here in southern california to my twitterati buddies just to confuse and anger them. Nothing better than receiving a 140 character profanity laced tirade. In twitter when you send a message its called a tweet. I'm sure they would have called it Tweeter if it wasn't for that stupid electronics store. When i send a message its called a twit. Tweets are important my twits are usually stupid and pointless like having a 162 game baseball regular season. If you're new to twitter here is some lingo used in the twitter world.

Twitthore- basically a person that sends more that 200 messages on twitter a day and updates their status every five seconds. A twit whore if you will.

taking a twit- people that take the what are you doing a little too seriously and leave the status of their current bathroom activities.

twatters- people like me who like to bitch on twitter. "my dog died today" boo hoo you twatter. Just kidding thats pretty sad.

twitty- people who can be witty and amuse via twitter. If you are fortunate enough to have some of these as friends bleed them for all the entertainment you can get.

Twitting the hay- When twitter decides to crap out and have technical problems preventing tweets from being sent.

pitch twitter- somebody who tweets for one of their friends while their friend is on vacation.

big twitties- No its not about boobs you pervs, although I wish it was. Big twitties are members of twitter that have over 3,000 followers and can influence the social media spectrum with one tweet.

too legit to twit- Bloggers who think be a magpie, the service that pays people to occasionally put ads in their tweets, is a bad idea or pretty lame.

pity twittys- messaging someone on your twitter friend list not because they have something interesting to say but because they are lonely.



Follow me on twitter at twitter.com/sogeshirts

Blog review contest

WIN A FREE T-SHIRT
My buddy Michael Wong and I are putting on a blog review contest. Here are the rules to participate.


1.Simply review both our sites in a few detailed paragraphs
A. http://bigmoneylist.blogspot.com
B.http://sogeshirts.blogspot.com/

2.Tell us your favorite shirt from http://sogeshirts.com

3.Please leave the review URL as a comment on both our blog sites.

The wonderful prizes are these

1st place winner: Free sogeshirts.com t-shirt of your choice + Reciprocal Review of your blog/ site from me.

2nd place winner: Reciprocal Review of your site from me.

3rd place winner: Small blurb and linkback

Contest closes on Novemember 12th.
The entries will be judged by blogging guru, Bridget Ayers over at http://thegetsmartblog.com/

Choose your own adventure haikus

Remember choose your own adventure books. Basically they were from the 80's and were awfully stupid books in which you had two options of events and you would pick one. For example go into the sparkling meadow or into the cavernous bat cave. Choose right and you would get to make another mind boggling decision. Choose wrong and your sexually assaulted by a meadow elf. Today in the sogeshirts.com blog we are going to play choose your own adventure haiku style. You make the decisions and depending on what you choose you get a corresponding haiku that will tell you your destiny. Don't cheat and see what the other haiku would have brought till your done with the whole blog.

Its memorial day and although you are pretty excited that you have the day off the weather is cooperating as much as a mental patient drinking red bulls free of his straightjacket. You think to yourself that seeing a movie or staying in reading a
nice book and drinking some hot cocoa might be nice. Choose your adventure book or movie. Book Haiku is 1A and then the movie haiku is 1B.

1A: Book haiku

Good books are nowhere

Barbara Walters book out

Too much sex details


1B: Movie Haiku

Indiana Jones

Is sold out Speed Racer Sucks

Waste of time and cash

Memorial day comes and goes and some new decisions are to be made at work. Your job is easy but your boss is a disrespectful douche that has more anger problems than Mel Gibson. Do you a.) take a slightly more challenging job with a slight decrease in salary? or b) Stay the course and keep receiving verbal beatings like you are wearing the scarlett letter? Take a new job is 2A and the same job is 2B



2A: New Job Haiku

Freedom and relief

Promotion achieved quickly

Things are looking up



2B: Same job haiku

Tired of this crap

Jump kick Satan out window

New orange jumpsuit

You get your stimulus check and you have a couple options on how you want to spend it. Should you put it away your kids college fund or buy a new plasma hdtv. College fund haiku is 3A and hdtv is 3B.



3A: College haiku

Money for drugs yay

Major in basket weaving

Darn that worthless kid




3B: HDTV

Hours of quality

Your kid will be happier

High def is worth it

Final Text!

The use of text messaging has to come with its own unique set of rules and one of those rules is the final text. Final text is the text that you send out after a string of text messages that were for the most part important or entertaining but now you got to move on and do something else or your driving or something. You must execute a final text or else the texting could last for days and you’ll wake up in a guatamala prison for not being able to pay your cell phone bill (unless you have unlimited texting). Now final texts are difficult and they have a different set of rules depending whether the texts are two males texting, opposite sex texting, or two females texting.

First lets get to males. For guys the best way to execute a final text is to text the word cool. Thus you acknowledge the other texter and that the conversation was cool. They really have no way to send another text unless they are not cool cause the word cool defines brevity. For a female who is getting a large amount of texts for a male the best final text is the tried and true “I got to wash my hair” or “my mom just called” instant final text. For a male getting a large amount of texts from a female the best final text is the smiley face. Its polite and you can’t really get mad about it ladies if you get the smiley face. For female to female texting the best final text is…. oh there is none. You can text each other for days and you know it. I’m kidding, I don’t really know what the final text is for female to females since I’m a dude but I’m sure you ladies have some so let me know what they are.

Its a small crap world

Having been to Disneyland yesterday I can say that is still remains the wondrous utopia that it has ever been. Adults act like children and children act like super children with their little Mickey Mouse ears. You can't even get an alcoholic beverage in the park. Donald Duck must have taken all the beer in the park for himself. How else does it explain him getting so angry over every little hijinks that his nephews, Mickey, or his girlfriend Daisy Duck pull. Dude should have gone to AA and I think Goofy might have the same problem because that sound he made was not natural.

Check out the Happiest Shirt place on earth Soge Shirts for hilarious, and funny t-shirts.

Another thing I noticed was that the Its a small world ride was broken. Of course they are going to say they had repairs to make but I say it symbolizes that Disney realizes the world is a small small world brought together by war and economic greed. Here are my updated song lyrics for small world and no I'm not that down on the world, but safe to say I think it could improve.


Its a world of greed, a world of tears
its a world of insanity, a world of fear
theres not a lot that we share
and its time we're aware
the world sucks ass

its a crap world after all
its a crap world after all
its a crap world after all
its a crap crap world

There is just one moon and a golden sun
so lets ruin it for everyone
Though the religions divide
and the leaders are blind
its a crap crap world

Repeat chorus

Screw you Kurt Cobain!

Kurt Cobain with one bullet you set music back thirty years, with one bullet you created the awful Foo Fighters and created emo rockers whining about their mothers not packing their lunches correctly. We knew Layne Stayley loved the needle too much, Eddie Vedder loved the Earth, The Chili Peppers loved the Lakers, it was only Nirvana that was going to be the music that defined our generation. My parents had the beatles and we are left with nothing. Thanks to you blowing your head off we have a generation of people in their mid to late twenties that think music sucks now. We are old people gomers complaining about how Rhianna sucks, panic at the disco is terrible, and who the fuck are the Jonas brothers. If you would have decided to stay things would be different. True rock and roll would still exist and Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine wouldn't have broken up and I wouldn't have to write this blog making me look like a whining bitch... but I am... cause I am. You would be in your f'ing 40's still twenty years younger than the Rolling Stones and thirty away from Neil Young and they are still rocking. The Chili peppers and Nine Inch Nails have done an admirable job carrying the torch still rocking in their 40's, still sounding fresh, but not captivating a generation. So screw you Cobain your a legend but you would have been a living legend which is way fucking better as far I'm concerned.

80's toys where are they now?

Everyone knows that all the transformers went on to greatness from the 80's except for Jazz because they had to kill the only black robot on the show... racists. But whatever happened to all the other toys from the 80's? There are some interesting and tragic stories to be told. Light brites have ended up at every rave since the 80' s and their brains are pretty much fried. Barbie was tired of dating a man with no penis so she got depressed, ballooned up to 350 pounds, and then spent the rest of Ken's money on lipo. She's now very much a milf in her 40s married to Eduardo an art dealer from Colombia. GI Joe never retired from the Army and is now serving his ninth tour of duty, six of which have been in Iraq. He is pretty much a torso now but he keeps fighting.

My buddy and kid sister were tired of being dragged everywhere so they decided to marry each other and move to the West Virginia Ozarks. Fortunately these inbred loving dolls have been unable to have kids. Powerwheels got jealous of SUV's and have all rolled over and died. The Care bears made a couple of crappy movies but they don't care cause they got paid. They all live in Malibu. My little Ponies went to the glue factory but its a special glitter glue so its not that bad. Mr. Potato head as I said in my last blog is transgendered and is now known as Tangy Tater. Last but not least Teddy Ruxpin has continued his love of marijuana and sleeps on various couches across the country. One of those couches however is Matthew McConaughey's and they play bongos together often.

Jumping through hoops

ts pretty disgraceful what Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are doing for votes these days. Appearing in a video at the WWE wrestling event crossed the line. What won't these two do to get votes. To earn my vote they are going to have to pull out all the stops. I want Obama to be dressed as a court jester serving me carbombs while Hillary dons some janitorial garb and cleans my whole house. Make a commitment candidates. I want Hillary to juggle while she sings the Italian opera of her choice while Obama reinstates my google adsense account while giving me a nice shoe shining.

Also both of you must buy me the new grand theft auto game while giving me ten million dollars each and I know you have the money. I mean come on you'll do it you guys have already put yourselves out there appearing on talk shows, colleges, and carnivals, You really should have made it out to comic con you could have dressed up as Spiderman, Harry Potter, or Chewbacca giving you a legion of nerd voters. Hillary you especially would love comic con you wear so many costumes. Your a southern belle in the south, a tough east coaster out east, and a laid back spanish speaking westerner out west. You can be anything at comic con, just make sure you don't put on 1000 costumes at once or no one will know who you are. Meanwhile as you clowns try to be everything to everyone McCain's costume hasn't changed he is an old war hero and thats it.

Uplongdotcom

Uplongdotcom http://ulupongdotcom.blogspot.com/ is going to help you build traffic, build stronger backlinks, and achieve a higher page rank on google. The site is a particular favorite site of mine that I go to when I realize that i don't know very much about the internet and blogging. Nepspeed 82, who is the writer of uplongdotcom, always provides quality content. I've learning why deep linking is more effective than regular reciprocal linking,how to be a quality commentator on others blogs to get more traffic, and the million blog list. Uplongdotcom provides info that can get your blog ahead of the pack and keeps you informed about other sites that can help your blog out.

Creepy Credit cards

Credit cards are Pandora's box that can fit in a wallet. Credit cards are not like a mirage cause you actually do buy what you want with them, but are more like dating a beautiful woman with issues. Everything looks great until you realize you are dating Naomi Campbell, Britney Spears, or the young lady from Ben Stiller's movie the Heartbreak kid. If you make many purchases on your card you better pay it off fast or your credit score is going to drop lower than a double jointed midget doing the limbo.

Also they need to change the word debt into something more nasty. Its not credit card debt its a credit card burial. Another thing credit cards remind me of are the advertisements for Fast food restaurants where the hamburgers look great on TV and at the restaurant itself they are complete and utter garbage. Credit cards look fantastic "sweet free money" but eventually when you don't pay the only loan you will get is being alone, as no one will want anything to do with you.

Check out my good friend Amy's humor blog at http://amyoops.blogspot.com/ Her blog has funny lists, pictures, and blogs themselves. She also has some great t-shirts at http://www.cafepress.com/Amys_World

You're a loser in second life too

For those unfamiliar with the cyber world Second life is an online community in which people create virtual avatars that represent themselves. They can play music, eat food, buy virtual property, have sex, and do everything that we can do in real life except they can fly and float wherever they want on the second life globe. I have several problems with the concept of second life. First of all you can even commit crimes or pay second life currency to perform rape fantasies. That is pretty disgusting if you ask me and sadly for these folks the fantasy of finding a significant other seems more distant than anything else. Hopefully these weirdos decide to stay inside and not float anywhere near back alleyways in real life.

I'm not sure what is more sad building a very successful second life while ignoring your first life, or striving for success in second life and failing at that. This is my theory if you are a second life stalwart you are a loser, if you are a loser in second life then please avoid any bridges and rope stores and get help. Even things that rhyme with second life are weird, like the few people in utah that take a second wife.This real life has so much to offer, so much to see and do, why throw that all a way for the blandness of a virtual world where all you will meet is nerds?

Put it all on red!

strongly advise everyone, yes everyone, including my parents to tear up their wills and spend all their money on themselves. Take vacations, buy crazy timeshares, put it all on red in Vegas. It's your money and you worked hard for it. Screw the kids, we will never do as much for you as you have done for us. Screw the Grandkids, the global warming is going to get them anyways. This is the only life you got so you should have as much fun as possible, especially if you are retired. The new American dream should be get a nice house with a picket fence, have 2.2 kids, and leave them nothing. Ok maybe you should give something to the .2 of a kid cause hey he only has 1/5th of his appendages so exceptions can be made.

Another reason you should go ahead and spend it all however you like is look at all the things you have survived through. Bird flu, killer bees, earthquakes, stds, west nile, crazy people, crazy wars, the dmv, you have survived them all. Spend every last penny and Friday's coupons. If you did a good enough job raising your kids, which you did, we will find a way to make all that money you could have given us. Then someday our generation can write our wills and tell our kids what they would have won like they just lost a big time gameshow. Then we can tear the will up and pack our bags to gamble it away in Vegas or old up Florida with our residence. It will be the new circle of life.

Three flies up

Remember the game three flies up when you were a kid? Basically a bunch of kids try to catch a flying object, usually a baseball or football being hurled in the air while mutilating each other until one prevails with three catches and wins. At my elementary school one of the teachers assistants Bill would award someone a free subway lunch if they could catch three footballs. Of course a herd of starving ravenous ten to twelve year olds would gather in the battlefield. We would go after that football like it was the holy grail and fountain of youth put together.

Subway compared to our apple and peanut butter sandwich bag lunches and our quality school lunch meals was a five star delicacy. Oh there was blood. Alas three flies up should be changed to three inches taller, as the majority of the time my giant friend Mark would earn the grand subway sandwich of truth by being five inches taller than the next kid. If he didn't win another tall kid would. I won as many free subway lunches as San Diego sports teams have won titles. Unfortunately for me that number is zero as I am a big padres, Chargers, and lunch fan. So here is my advice to short kids... grow and you may win a subway some day.

They can't all be winners

Usually I can write something funny or at least mildly entertaining at the drop of a hat but not today, cause they can't all be winners. Sometimes I will write a blog and it will suck such as right now and thats ok. I'll get up off the mat and fight back and maybe will be funny tomorrow. It's that no good writers block and right now instead of blocking I would describe it as writers thief, cause it has stolen my ability to write.

I have the energy of a beached manatee today and if that was an awful metaphor I apologize cause I couldn't think of anything better to write. People who are so consistently good at anything I really admire. It is so hard to be at your best each and every day due to a plethora of outside factors that may distract someone. Look a new verizon commercial with that creepy silent mime guy with the glasses. Dang now i can't write. I hope the network doesn't allow him to follow anyone into their showers. Oh sorry I got distracted and wrote something stupid. Curse you writers thief. They can't all be winners.

April fools: Change the name

April fools day is really a day about fooling others, not being a fool yourself. We need an April "I'm a fool day" just so people like me don't feel left out. I find April Fool's day to be a really mean spirited day that I could do without. Publishing clearing house came to my house last year on April Fools and left me a giant bill. Two years ago I ordered a mail order bride from Sweden and of course they send me a male order bride from Estonia. There I go being a fool again making things up to amuse you, or at least trying cause hey I am a fool.

My Dad was the master of April Fools. He would plant fake spiders all over the house to creep people out, move my car so that it looked like it was being stolen, and drop me from his health insurance plan. Just kidding he never stole my car. As you can see Aprils fools day is a pranksters paradise. Another day that former high school bullies can reign supreme and give certain unfortunate members of the workforce atomic wedgies with the protection of a tricksters holiday behind them. Besides its all in good fun. How many opening statements at trials have started with that sentence? Anyways until they truly have a day set aside just for fools themselves I am protesting. The current april fools day should be changed to immature dick day.

Christopher Columbus drops off the world

I am now 27 years old. 15 years ago Christopher Columbus was a god revered by American history books as the man that discovered the Americas. A true adventurer and a man that changed history, for where would be without good old Chris Columbus? Now fast forward 15 years later and no one gets a day off for Columbus day because Columbus didn't truly discover America, and to some the only thing he discovered was western diseases and rape. Yes thats right, Columbus now in the eyes of many is a murdering, disease carrying, torturing, rapist. Thats like combining Hitler, Charles Manson, and a pigeon's bad qualities and throwing them together in a stew of evil.

I have no idea what Columbus was really like, so please if there are any Columbus fans I'm just repeating what I've heard. Don't steer your Nina, Pintas, and Santa Marias at me just because I'm much too lazy to research. Things can always go back to the way they were. In twenty years from now Columbus may get the discovery of America attributed back to him and with an added bonus also the credit for inventing the Playstation. History is crazy like that. Why do we keep putting stuff in History books when there are differing accounts as to what happened? These are history books and not debate books. They should set up history booths with scholars at the fair right next to the fortune tellers just to see who is more accurate. To sum it up give Columbus may have been a jerk, but give him back his hero status cause we could all use another day off.

Lost please get found.... or canceled!

Just like Oceanic 815 was blown apart and crashed into the ocean the show Lost has taken a similar nosedive this time with no survivors. The show used to have characters that I cared about and mystery upon mystery that I was excited to unravel. Now Lost has stumbled into the maddening arena of character addition chucking new worthless and pointless characters onto the screen while robbing the original characters such as Kate, Jack, and Locke of the personalities that made them interesting. The mysteries that used to seem fascinating to me seem tedious and some of the mysteries that are being solved are done so with poor writing or lame tie ups. Interesting characters like Mr. Eko, Charlie, and Libby have died while boring characters like Claire, Hurley, and Sun remain. To be fair to Claire, Hurley, and Sun they used to be interesting but the writers have given them nothing to do sans child raising, fear of death over having a baby, and saying Dude a lot. Also for how much they walk on that island.. Hurley should be skinny.. cause no fat man, can live on a desert island and keep Mens' big and Tall stores in business. How a dude manages to gain weight on a desert island truly is Lost's greatest mystery and please no more shirtless cannonballs.

Last episode they bring back murderer Michael who is Ben's spy on the boat. Surely a main character will die or at least Michael will kill some guys on the boat like he is told. Nope instead the bomb he plants and tries to detonate has a not yet message attached to it like i am watching Wild E Coyote on Loony tunes. Lost promised in the episode that someone would die. Of course it was two awful side characters that were not really part of the main cast at all. The show reminds me of a caterpillar that turned into a butterfly as the show in the first two seasons was pretty great. But the last one and a half seasons that butterfly has decided to clip off its wings and turn into something much uglier than a caterpillar, Lost has turned into a cockroach.