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Monday, April 14, 2008

Put it all on red!

strongly advise everyone, yes everyone, including my parents to tear up their wills and spend all their money on themselves. Take vacations, buy crazy timeshares, put it all on red in Vegas. It's your money and you worked hard for it. Screw the kids, we will never do as much for you as you have done for us. Screw the Grandkids, the global warming is going to get them anyways. This is the only life you got so you should have as much fun as possible, especially if you are retired. The new American dream should be get a nice house with a picket fence, have 2.2 kids, and leave them nothing. Ok maybe you should give something to the .2 of a kid cause hey he only has 1/5th of his appendages so exceptions can be made.

Another reason you should go ahead and spend it all however you like is look at all the things you have survived through. Bird flu, killer bees, earthquakes, stds, west nile, crazy people, crazy wars, the dmv, you have survived them all. Spend every last penny and Friday's coupons. If you did a good enough job raising your kids, which you did, we will find a way to make all that money you could have given us. Then someday our generation can write our wills and tell our kids what they would have won like they just lost a big time gameshow. Then we can tear the will up and pack our bags to gamble it away in Vegas or old up Florida with our residence. It will be the new circle of life.


myktoronto said...

Haha too true! Madison Avenue advocates that "fear sells". Of course that's only if we're buyin' it!

J. C. said...

A fabulous post Tim, you are getting better and better, I hate to say that but it's true.

Cactus Ryan said...

That's some terrible advice haha. You mention bees in almost every blog. Do you do that on purpose?

Sue said...

I never understood the .2 kid either.
Hey my mother had 3 kids, I might be the .2 kid.

Nyte said...

lol i like that i have no kids so i dont have to worry to much about it my wife has kids but ill send her to read this and encourge her to take your advice lol

Joeprah said...

Nice post man! I just wish I had something to spend then I could live up to this. :D