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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Vitamin Russian roulette!

The world of vitamins has often been a confusing one for me. One vitamin will save your life while another will stab you in the heart. One will improve your sexual vitality and the other will remove your genitalia like a Congan wizard. Unfortunately often times the vitamin is labeled as both beneficial and harmful depending on different scientific studies. For instance in some circles flaxseed oil is sworn as an agent that prevents cancer while other studies say it actually increases cancer risk. There is more flip flopping there then a faking soccer player, a political debate, and a tumbling clown in floppy clown shoes combined. It really is like a vitamin Russian roulette and I find myself not knowing where to turn.

Fortunately now I have found a blogger who does great research on health topics such as vitamins and which foods to eat. She can let me know what the heck the Acai berry is and why every smoothie place all over the country is shoving it in my face like its the holy grail of berries. She will let me know which vitamins I should down and which vitamins will make me frown. Heidi's blog the Health Nut Wannabee Mom is often updated and contains tons of quality health and nutrition information. For the ladies she is even going to start a series on how to eat and prepare for bikini season. Its a top quality blog and I hope you will all check it out and subscribe to both her blog and John's family blog at

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Right now I'm at a coffee shop 5 miles south of my hometown in a little city called Encinitas. You see Encinitas is not the largest hippee town that would be Berkely but per capita the ratio of hippies to people is as high as well the people here as they love their pot. It may seem that I am angry of these dwellers but I am not they are heroes. How they get by without jobs and still enjoy life is a testament to how cool they must be. They hang out with fellow unemployed individuals and they all take care of each other. They are beatnik gods and goddesses hanging out in coffee shops, collecting shells for their collages at the beach, and achieving greatness at hacky sack. Who else can weave a knapsack that can contain all of a person's worldly possessions? They must have magic powers. Through their mantras and positive thinking I believe they have come up with a way to turn soybeans into cold hard cash. They can't be eating the stuff so it must be their magic money train. Someday I will study amongst them and learn their secrets. It will take some sacrifices. I will have to go without meat, without shoes, and without showers but I will learn their crafty cash capers. Then after I'm rich i'll move far far way from them. Cursed hippies!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Screw you Kurt Cobain!

Kurt Cobain with one bullet you set music back thirty years, with one bullet you created the awful Foo Fighters and created emo rockers whining about their mothers not packing their lunches correctly. We knew Layne Stayley loved the needle too much, Eddie Vedder loved the Earth, The Chili Peppers loved the Lakers, it was only Nirvana that was going to be the music that defined our generation. My parents had the beatles and we are left with nothing. Thanks to you blowing your head off we have a generation of people in their mid to late twenties that think music sucks now. We are old people gomers complaining about how Rhianna sucks, panic at the disco is terrible, and who the fuck are the Jonas brothers. If you would have decided to stay things would be different. True rock and roll would still exist and Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine wouldn't have broken up and I wouldn't have to write this blog making me look like a whining bitch... but I am... cause I am. You would be in your f'ing 40's still twenty years younger than the Rolling Stones and thirty away from Neil Young and they are still rocking. The Chili peppers and Nine Inch Nails have done an admirable job carrying the torch still rocking in their 40's, still sounding fresh, but not captivating a generation. So screw you Cobain your a legend but you would have been a living legend which is way fucking better as far I'm concerned.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

EzGreatLife blog!

The ezgreatlifeblog is another personal favorite written by my new blogging friend John. His blog is very family oriented which gives his blogs a very honest and refreshing feel to it. It is apparent how important his family is to his life. Another thing that I love about John's blog is the financial and exercise tips that John shares. He comes up with some very creative ways to save money or overlooked ways to save money. One of his best blogs that concerned both financial tips and exercise was one in which he advocates ordering water at restaurants to save money. In addition to saving cash, which he goes into detail how you can invest it and make a nice profit on the savings, there are the added health benefits of substituting water for soda or alcoholic beverages. The ezgreatlife blog also showcases Johns love of barbecuing and cooking and he also adds a nice sense of humor to his lighter blogs.

Friday, April 25, 2008

80's toys where are they now?

Everyone knows that all the transformers went on to greatness from the 80's except for Jazz because they had to kill the only black robot on the show... racists. But whatever happened to all the other toys from the 80's? There are some interesting and tragic stories to be told. Light brites have ended up at every rave since the 80' s and their brains are pretty much fried. Barbie was tired of dating a man with no penis so she got depressed, ballooned up to 350 pounds, and then spent the rest of Ken's money on lipo. She's now very much a milf in her 40s married to Eduardo an art dealer from Colombia. GI Joe never retired from the Army and is now serving his ninth tour of duty, six of which have been in Iraq. He is pretty much a torso now but he keeps fighting.

My buddy and kid sister were tired of being dragged everywhere so they decided to marry each other and move to the West Virginia Ozarks. Fortunately these inbred loving dolls have been unable to have kids. Powerwheels got jealous of SUV's and have all rolled over and died. The Care bears made a couple of crappy movies but they don't care cause they got paid. They all live in Malibu. My little Ponies went to the glue factory but its a special glitter glue so its not that bad. Mr. Potato head as I said in my last blog is transgendered and is now known as Tangy Tater. Last but not least Teddy Ruxpin has continued his love of marijuana and sleeps on various couches across the country. One of those couches however is Matthew McConaughey's and they play bongos together often.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Jumping through hoops

ts pretty disgraceful what Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are doing for votes these days. Appearing in a video at the WWE wrestling event crossed the line. What won't these two do to get votes. To earn my vote they are going to have to pull out all the stops. I want Obama to be dressed as a court jester serving me carbombs while Hillary dons some janitorial garb and cleans my whole house. Make a commitment candidates. I want Hillary to juggle while she sings the Italian opera of her choice while Obama reinstates my google adsense account while giving me a nice shoe shining.

Also both of you must buy me the new grand theft auto game while giving me ten million dollars each and I know you have the money. I mean come on you'll do it you guys have already put yourselves out there appearing on talk shows, colleges, and carnivals, You really should have made it out to comic con you could have dressed up as Spiderman, Harry Potter, or Chewbacca giving you a legion of nerd voters. Hillary you especially would love comic con you wear so many costumes. Your a southern belle in the south, a tough east coaster out east, and a laid back spanish speaking westerner out west. You can be anything at comic con, just make sure you don't put on 1000 costumes at once or no one will know who you are. Meanwhile as you clowns try to be everything to everyone McCain's costume hasn't changed he is an old war hero and thats it.


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Monday, April 21, 2008

Mr. Potatohead vs. Plastic Surgery

I feel sorry for Mr. Potatohead. We have no use for him in society anymore because of plastic surgery. Anybody can change a body part now a days so you aren't special Mr. Potatohead no matter how many weird places on your body I can place your ear. For some plastic surgery can improve their personal self esteem but I ask what if it doesn't improve your confidence? Losing 5000 rebuilding my nose and then feeling the exact same way would be a double hit to my self esteem and to my wallet. (No I'm not thinking of plastic surgery, my nose is fantastic)

Celebrities are the biggest utilizers of plastic surgery. Imagine the new celebrity mr. potatoe head with Carrot tops hair, Joan rivers lips, eugene levy's bushy eyebrows, Jay Leno's chin and Cameron Diaz's smile. I added Cameron Diaz just so i could say "that hideous mutant has a gorgeous smile" Still though there has to be a place for Mr. Potatohead somewhere. Maybe he can evolve with the times. Like there can be Mr. Potatoheads that start off black and end up white. The Michael Jackson Potatohead except that kids are allowed to play with it. Also you could have a Mr. Potatohead that has a sex change operation and has his little potato tucked so that he becomes a fabulous Mrs. Potatohead. He can discover a whole new world of Spudding. Thank you plastic surgery with all your ideas Mr. Potatohead will be around forever!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I just signed up for this site called and it seems awesome. You can get more rss feed subscribers by signing up, build backlinks, and be a part of a large blogging community that shares your common interests. Its still relatively new so it hasn't blown up to the extent that it is going to. Your traffic is going to go up and you are going to move up in the seo link ranks so sign up with me. All you have to do to join is give it an honest review.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Creepy Credit cards

Credit cards are Pandora's box that can fit in a wallet. Credit cards are not like a mirage cause you actually do buy what you want with them, but are more like dating a beautiful woman with issues. Everything looks great until you realize you are dating Naomi Campbell, Britney Spears, or the young lady from Ben Stiller's movie the Heartbreak kid. If you make many purchases on your card you better pay it off fast or your credit score is going to drop lower than a double jointed midget doing the limbo.

Also they need to change the word debt into something more nasty. Its not credit card debt its a credit card burial. Another thing credit cards remind me of are the advertisements for Fast food restaurants where the hamburgers look great on TV and at the restaurant itself they are complete and utter garbage. Credit cards look fantastic "sweet free money" but eventually when you don't pay the only loan you will get is being alone, as no one will want anything to do with you.

Check out my good friend Amy's humor blog at Her blog has funny lists, pictures, and blogs themselves. She also has some great t-shirts at

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Blog review: Stay at home Mom blog

Every Thursday the Sogeshirts presents blog will do a blog review from our friends around the internet. All we ask is for an honest review of our t-shirt site Our first blog The Stay at home mom blog combines interesting stories of family life, useful daily life tips, and good old fashioned humor. It really has something for everyone. From great recipes such as blackberry coffee cake to her die hard love and passion for the red sox the author gives a great insight into her daily life and makes her readers feel like they are part of the family. Every Wednesday is wordless Wednesday in which pictures of family life are shown in which it is easy to see that family comes first. A particular favorite post of mine is the post in which Sue's daughter thanks the troops for fighting for our freedom in a letter she sends them.

Another thing I love about the blog is the author is not afraid to express her opinions. She felt that teachers should not go on strike cause it only hurts the kids. If you love a blog that has heart, humor, strong opinions, family values, and always has something new go to and check out the stay at home blog. When you find out how fantastic it is make sure to subscribe to it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

You're a loser in second life too

For those unfamiliar with the cyber world Second life is an online community in which people create virtual avatars that represent themselves. They can play music, eat food, buy virtual property, have sex, and do everything that we can do in real life except they can fly and float wherever they want on the second life globe. I have several problems with the concept of second life. First of all you can even commit crimes or pay second life currency to perform rape fantasies. That is pretty disgusting if you ask me and sadly for these folks the fantasy of finding a significant other seems more distant than anything else. Hopefully these weirdos decide to stay inside and not float anywhere near back alleyways in real life.

I'm not sure what is more sad building a very successful second life while ignoring your first life, or striving for success in second life and failing at that. This is my theory if you are a second life stalwart you are a loser, if you are a loser in second life then please avoid any bridges and rope stores and get help. Even things that rhyme with second life are weird, like the few people in utah that take a second wife.This real life has so much to offer, so much to see and do, why throw that all a way for the blandness of a virtual world where all you will meet is nerds?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Put it all on red!

strongly advise everyone, yes everyone, including my parents to tear up their wills and spend all their money on themselves. Take vacations, buy crazy timeshares, put it all on red in Vegas. It's your money and you worked hard for it. Screw the kids, we will never do as much for you as you have done for us. Screw the Grandkids, the global warming is going to get them anyways. This is the only life you got so you should have as much fun as possible, especially if you are retired. The new American dream should be get a nice house with a picket fence, have 2.2 kids, and leave them nothing. Ok maybe you should give something to the .2 of a kid cause hey he only has 1/5th of his appendages so exceptions can be made.

Another reason you should go ahead and spend it all however you like is look at all the things you have survived through. Bird flu, killer bees, earthquakes, stds, west nile, crazy people, crazy wars, the dmv, you have survived them all. Spend every last penny and Friday's coupons. If you did a good enough job raising your kids, which you did, we will find a way to make all that money you could have given us. Then someday our generation can write our wills and tell our kids what they would have won like they just lost a big time gameshow. Then we can tear the will up and pack our bags to gamble it away in Vegas or old up Florida with our residence. It will be the new circle of life.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Three flies up

Remember the game three flies up when you were a kid? Basically a bunch of kids try to catch a flying object, usually a baseball or football being hurled in the air while mutilating each other until one prevails with three catches and wins. At my elementary school one of the teachers assistants Bill would award someone a free subway lunch if they could catch three footballs. Of course a herd of starving ravenous ten to twelve year olds would gather in the battlefield. We would go after that football like it was the holy grail and fountain of youth put together.

Subway compared to our apple and peanut butter sandwich bag lunches and our quality school lunch meals was a five star delicacy. Oh there was blood. Alas three flies up should be changed to three inches taller, as the majority of the time my giant friend Mark would earn the grand subway sandwich of truth by being five inches taller than the next kid. If he didn't win another tall kid would. I won as many free subway lunches as San Diego sports teams have won titles. Unfortunately for me that number is zero as I am a big padres, Chargers, and lunch fan. So here is my advice to short kids... grow and you may win a subway some day.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Astrology and me

Astrology has always fascinated me. The concept that the time of year that you are born can determine your personality traits and destiny seems so unbelievable to me. Despite my beliefs I have given astrology a chance and subscribed to a daily astrology email list. Apparently as a Sagittarius I am a fun loving, outgoing badass. Yes i am. Whats scary is that 40 percent of the time my astrology emails are pretty accurate especially when it comes to goals that I have or relationships I have with people. Of course even when I get that email giving me my horoscope for the upcoming day I completely ignore it. I am who controls my destiny or at least I would really like to think that.

Imagine though if you decided that your astrological forecast was always spot on and you decided to live your life based on its predictions. Like tomorrow it says that I have been caught up with my ego and that I should back off a bit and kiss everyones Hindquarters, while holding Venus in retrograde, and to tell them that I appreciate them. They even recommend that I take a friend out to lunch. Because my horoscope is always right I'm going to stop praising myself even though I deserve it and drop 50 dollars on a friend for lunch. Since the stars failed to Astrologisized a value meal in there somewhere and although I have achieved inner nirvana and kept my ego in check, I am now out 50 dollars. I know my friends, they don't like McDonald's.

What if my horoscope tells me that I'm going to have a bad day? Well dang I'm going to stay in bed all day because if i'm having a bad day its for the best that others aren't around. Since I am a Sagittarius I can be a bit of a jerk and there is nothing I can do to change that. I love making excuses. Astrology might be the best excuse ever. Take that free will.

Friday, April 4, 2008

They can't all be winners

Usually I can write something funny or at least mildly entertaining at the drop of a hat but not today, cause they can't all be winners. Sometimes I will write a blog and it will suck such as right now and thats ok. I'll get up off the mat and fight back and maybe will be funny tomorrow. It's that no good writers block and right now instead of blocking I would describe it as writers thief, cause it has stolen my ability to write.

I have the energy of a beached manatee today and if that was an awful metaphor I apologize cause I couldn't think of anything better to write. People who are so consistently good at anything I really admire. It is so hard to be at your best each and every day due to a plethora of outside factors that may distract someone. Look a new verizon commercial with that creepy silent mime guy with the glasses. Dang now i can't write. I hope the network doesn't allow him to follow anyone into their showers. Oh sorry I got distracted and wrote something stupid. Curse you writers thief. They can't all be winners.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Taxes are no fun

I love how the irs tries to make taxes as confusing as possible. They are like Leonardo di Caprios character in the departed just waiting for you to make that one mistake that brings the whole crime syndicate down. The stupid IRS trolls love to jump out from under the bridge except they have riddles unlimited instead of three. I feel like I am a chicken running around with its his head cut off except that the chicken has a better idea of what to do next. Its hard enough to find the stupid business forms, let alone fill out the maze of lines that even Harry Potter couldn't get out of.

I also love how there are no real good online tips to fill out tax forms. I can see the IRS and H and R block walking down the street hand in hand giving each other simultaneous reach a rounds. As long as there is no info out there people are dependent on having H and R block do their taxes or else they mess up and the IRS audit ninjas swoop in. To solve my ranting complaints I propose that in high school they teach us how to fill out the forms properly. At least that would be one real world skill school could teach. Another solution would be communism but that has never worked ... although, with a tax form staring me in the face, right now it does look tempting jk.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April fools: Change the name

April fools day is really a day about fooling others, not being a fool yourself. We need an April "I'm a fool day" just so people like me don't feel left out. I find April Fool's day to be a really mean spirited day that I could do without. Publishing clearing house came to my house last year on April Fools and left me a giant bill. Two years ago I ordered a mail order bride from Sweden and of course they send me a male order bride from Estonia. There I go being a fool again making things up to amuse you, or at least trying cause hey I am a fool.

My Dad was the master of April Fools. He would plant fake spiders all over the house to creep people out, move my car so that it looked like it was being stolen, and drop me from his health insurance plan. Just kidding he never stole my car. As you can see Aprils fools day is a pranksters paradise. Another day that former high school bullies can reign supreme and give certain unfortunate members of the workforce atomic wedgies with the protection of a tricksters holiday behind them. Besides its all in good fun. How many opening statements at trials have started with that sentence? Anyways until they truly have a day set aside just for fools themselves I am protesting. The current april fools day should be changed to immature dick day.