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Monday, December 29, 2008

New weeks resolutions

People love to make new years resolutions but I don't even bother. Goals are great and all, but year long goals are too general and long term for me. In my opinion making new day resolutions or new week resolutions is a lot more effective. A new years resolution of losing 40 pounds sounds like a great goal but there is no timetable leaving not much personal responsibility. If you're a regular gym user how often have you seen the person with the new headband and sweatpants show up to steal the last treadmill in January? Instead of being angry I laugh cause I know by February he will be seen less at a gym than a rap artist performing at the country music awards.

Its not that the guys new years goal was a bad one its just that he didn't pace himself. Its like trying to sprint in a marathon. If he set a weekly goal of going to the gym three times a week he would not be stressed out trying to burn all his holiday fat. Going to the gym is a skill just like anything else. You're not going to be ripped like Arnold overnight just like someone learning to cook isn't going to be Rachel Ray by February. Set tiny daily goals reach those goals and keep improving. Do this and next year you can brag about keeping up with your new years resolutions while I sit on the couch stuffing myself with see's candies.

Monday, December 22, 2008

company halt

I just don't trust companies any more. Job security in this day and age seems rarer than a solar eclipse occurring on leap year. Budget cuts are more common than paper cuts and it seems that quality employees are being dropped like a cruel game of hot potato. Sadly with this economy in shambles many people are desperate for get not poor schemes as get rich schemes don't seem in reach. Many people are making money scamming the unemployed people out of money which is revolting and disgusting.

Right now the best option in this day and age seems to be to start a honest business from home within a particular niche market. The other option seems to be finding small opportunities on the internet to get paid doing surveys, copywriting, promoting companies that want to whore out products, and my favorite begging for donations. Honestly I don't blame anyone anymore for trying to make money legally by any means necessary. I used to laugh at an episode of the Simpsons where homer urged people to send one dollar to happy dude if they wanted to be happy. Now its a genius idea. In fact I heard of this website where this guy begged for five dollar bills and made like 20 thousand dollars. Online begger or entrepreneur genius? In this day and age who cares what the label is as long as you have money in your bank account.

Friday, December 12, 2008


One thing I can't stand about television is for characters who belong to a tight knit group of friends or colleagues to all have sex with each other. This concept I call Orgyvision. Take Grey's Anatomy for example. Every character on that show has partner switched more often than Illinois Governors get sent to prison. How do these fictional surgeons have time to operate on any patients when they are always operating on each other?

Saved by the bell got it right. That show believed in monogamy. Zach and Kelly, Slater and Jesse, Screech and his hand. Nothing scandalous there, just wacky teenagers growing up normal in high school. Contrary to Saved by the Bell the show Friends was another one of the orgy bed hopping TV series. Despite Ross and Rachel being in love the six friends were extremely friendly with one another. Even Joey and Rachel hooked up at one point. I don't even want to know what Ross did with his pet monkey. Say what you want about Polygamists but at least in Polygamy people get married. Although they need to let women take multiple husbands as it would guarantee someone would take out the trash.

The message that television provides to young kids is build friendships and relationships with the opposite sex. If something goes wrong in your main relationship hook up with one of your best friends later in the week. That certainly won't lead to any dire consequences down the line.

On the TV show Lost Kate is in a love triangle with Sawyer and Jack. To boost ratings this season she needs to get with Sayid, Hurley, the Smoke Monster, and a Coconut. Can you imagine what orgyvision would have been like if it spread to cartoons such as the smurfs? Poor Smurfette and Vanity Smurf would be sore (yes he's a dude). I suppose the bright side would be no more blue balls.

Unfortunately I think orgyvision is here to stay. Ratings are king and nothing is more intriguing to humans than watching others make bed hopping an olympic sport. Jerry Springer and tabloid magazines would not have thrived if this wasn't the case. I leave this discussion with this final thought... Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

We gotta kill hitler bro

In the upcoming movie Valkyrie Tom Cruise plays a German officer in the Nazi army who hatches a plot to kill Hitler. I find it kind of amusing from the previews just how non German Cruise sounds. Why not get Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Jackman, and Kermit the frog to play the part. Then you have English German, Australian German, and Muppet Frog German. Without a trace of a German accent Cruise declares that we have got to kill Hitler. I think a guy whose character's name is Claus should at least be drinking a Beck's or listening to some David Hasselhoff techno song. Plus without subtitles or a German accent the task of killing Hitler using an American accent doesn't seem as urgent.

Claus: Bro we gotta kill Hitler. Hes such a dick.

English German: Go away I'm watching Abbot and Costello. I still have no idea who is on first.

Claus: Dude that can wait. I'll buy you a best of Abbot and Costello movie reel now lets shoot that bitch ass mustache wearer.

English German: Throw in a Chaplin movie reel.

Claus: Fine man but you got to make me my favorite German dish when we're done.

English German: Hot dogs and apple pie it is.