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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The first human clone

He's on American Idol, an E news show, hosts a radio program in southern California, co hosts rocking new years eve with Dick Clarke I'm convinced that Ryan Seacrest has cloned himself. There is no other possible way he can do all these things at once and stay that cheery and androgynous. He must have cloned himself or made enthusiastic Simon Cowell handling robots of himself. I stick with the clone theory though because Seacrest still possesses some humanity amidst his smorgasbord of hollywood jobs. He's working so hard that even Oprah and Donald Trump are telling him to take it easy. There is this joke that Chuck Norris can defeat anything and anyone but I think he would get Seacrested. The Seacrest clones are too fast and too enthusiastic.

Seacrest may be a lot older than he looks. Who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby? Seacrest. Who built stonehenge? Seacrest clones of course and they whisteled the whole time. Most important why is the economy bad? The Seacrest borgs have taken up all the jobs and they aren't sharing. They especially are taking up all the waiter, concierge, and host jobs. You can't compete with their hard work, service with a smile, and the years of Simon Cowell putdowns have made them resistant to any negative complaints or shouts.

The question is how can you stop the Seacrest army? First of all bazookas don't work. The best way is to counter the enthusiasm of a Seacrest is with mega enthusiasm. Seacrest will then attempt to supermegaoutpep you and may self destruct. Do not use any drugs when attempting to outsunshine the seacrest as he has drug sniffing dogs partnering up with Seacrests all over town that will bite. Also cause drugs are bad mmkay. Science may not be ready for human cloning but American Idol, E news daily, star 107.1, stonehenge, and waiter jobs are so be careful out there.


ssgreylord said...

"supermegaoutpep you".

i love it!

John@Family, Fitness and Finances said...

Somehow I missed the many faces of Seacrest. But from your description, I think you should go on American Idol and supermegaoutpep him, so we can watch him self destruct.

~Static~ said...

Seacrest gave me a message to pass on to you:

"Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."

Kim said...

Seacrest completely freaks me out.. he has to be cloned.. you are onto something here.

Manz said...

Nice one.

It's definitely not natural to be that happy ;)

Keep the laughs coming guys!!

Momo Fali said...

But don't you want just a little of what he's got? I mean, as far as the energy? Damn. What my lazy ass wouldn't do for just a pinch of it.