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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Terrible kids games

Remember those games as a kid that seemed designed to separate the awkward kids from the cool kids? Games like Duck, Duck, Goose , heads up seven up, and dodgeball. I hated those games with the exception of releasing all my child level anger by blasting a kid with a dodgeball. Duck, duck, goose might as well be called cool kid, cool kid, nerd and boy did I not like being the nerd. I would sit in that circle and nervously await my fate like a guy on death row waiting for the call from the governor. Sometimes the call would come and I wouldn't be picked, and other times I would be executed and be the exhausted little dweeb running in circles. Curse those ducks. Roast them up and cover them in a buttery glaze.

I also hated heads up seven up. Why ruin a good sleep? I can't be bothered with putting my thumb out there and having to try to figure out who tortured me by touching my thumb while my eyes are closed. All heads up seven up taught me is that it pays to cheat. Peeking made winning that game easier and more efficient than a Japanese car manufacturer. The bottom line though is when you got picked at heads up seven up you felt like you were spinning the chore wheel for the whole day.

Dodgeball has to be one of the most savage school games in the history of man kind. Even cavemen probably didn't play peg Bork with rock to weed out the weak and glorify the strong. For me dodgeball was ok as I was light and nimble, but could still throw and blast some unsuspecting kid with my golden arm. For other kids though it was just giving the biggest bullies in school another tool to terrorize the smaller weaker kids. It was like arming Hitler, Mussolini, Bin Laden etc with the biggest baddest nukes known to man and saying that it was legal to destroy everyone. At the very least the teachers who promoted this game should have had to get their whooping too. To give back to my community I think I will become a P.E. teacher. Will I change the curriculum to eliminate these heartless socially awkward games? No not at all. I'll get my revenge by ruining a whole new generation of kids. Lets go kids time for dodgeball. Big kids versus little kids.

7 comments:

ssgreylord said...

talk about taking a trip down memory lane...

the only one you left out was red rover, red rover. another nerve-wracking cool kid vs. loser while you cross your fingers behind your back begging to be picked or begging someone not to ram through you to show your weakness.

didn't grade school PE suck? (then again it wasn't half as bad as changing in the school locker rooms in middle school. don't even get me started there...)

ciara said...

i hated dodgeball. it's funny because as soon as they said we didn't have to take p.e. senior year, i'm like hell yeah! LOL

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

I hated dodgeball-I was terrified of that damn ball. I remember red rover, red rover very well as Sara mentioned. I could never climb those ropes either. PE was hideous and I am so glad it is done. Thanks for the laugh as usual!

john b said...

Duck, duck, goose was the worst. My son played a variation of dodge ball in school...kill ball, where as the name implies, it has taken on a much more violent tone.

Eve Grey said...

Ugh, those games were brutal. That dodge ball totally stung on a bare leg too. I remember even as a kid how my heart ached for the kids who were chubby and/or slow. How about Red Rover? That game blew too. Grade school was brutal in so many ways. I hope it's changed. They don't play dodge ball at my kids school at least...

Kimmylyn said...

I am crying over here..I just played dodgeball with my nephews ..yes at 36 years old I played dodge ball ..it soo sucked.. hahahaha

Doson said...

2+2 = school sucks..
i love it