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Friday, September 19, 2008

Romeo and Juliet foreclosed

Lord Montague: Romeo time tis of the essence, our manor doth been foreclosed. We must live with the Capulets.

Romeo: The Capulets? Even Tybalt?

Lord Montague: Especially Tybalt. Thou art sharing a room with him.

Romeo: Anger surrounds me like tortured banshees trapped between two worlds.

Lord Montague: Quit being over dramatic. Fannie and Freddie doth crashed as well as Bear Sterns leading us to bunk up with the Capulets. Thou shall pack whilst I buy some Top Ramen at the marketplace.

~ Romeo and his father move in the with the Capulets. Romeo is in his room with Tybalt while Juliet pays him a visit. ~

Juliet: Dear Tybalt may I speak to Romeo lacking your presence?

Tybalt: What for? You going to bang?

~ Romeo slaps Tybalt in the face. ~

Romeo: Cease your mouth Tybalt you colossal menace. Hath you not learned to communicate with a lady?

Tybalt: You're such a giant douche Romeo. I'm not leaving this room so you guys will just have to get freaky in front of me. Besides I like to watch.

Juliet: Thou art thou art. Whatever. Romeo my love, living in the same manor and having our parents get along hath dimmed the romance of our once forbidden tryst.

Romeo: Tis true. Passion used to burn in the embers of our being but now that we share the same hamper and our parents break bread together its just not the same.

Tybalt: Ah poor babies why don't you just commit suicide you insufferable whiners.

~ Romeo takes a pillow and smashes it onto Tybalts head. ~

Tybalt: Oww you dick.

Juliet: Tybalt thou art a dick. Romeo and I couldn't afford the last drop of death at the pharmacy anyways. Alas killing ourselves now would also lack the tragic aspect of our families feud.

Romeo: Indeed.

~ Romeo gives Juliet a kiss. ~

Romeo: My dearest Juliet, I must leave you now... for my shift at Arby's starts in less than a quarter of the hour.

Tybalt: You better not put me on dish duty Romeo I hate dish duty.

Romeo: Not today Tybalt you shall learn the art of the toilet clean.

Tybalt: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

~ Tybalt dives under the bed and takes out a bottle with a skeleton on it. He unscrews the cap and downs it furiously. ~

Tybalt: Now I leave this wretched world.

~ Juliet starts laughing. ~

Juliet: Alas dumb cousin. We knew you would take the fools medicine so we switched it out with a dose of Powerade.

Tybalt: NOOOOOOOOOO its horrible.

9 comments:

Regretful Morning said...

Awesome how you're adding shirts to posts now! Do that for every one of them!

GetSmartGal said...

I agree with Jason about the shirts at the end of your posts....lovin it!

Love your throwback piece on our current housing and credit nightmares.

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

ooohhhhhh you are a modern day Shakespeare!!!! I love how you can make anything interesting. Love the shirts at the end of your posts!

idealpinkrose said...

hi, came here from blogcatalog and just subscribed to your feed. pls. don't forget to subscribed on mine...thnks a lot!

ssgreylord said...

watch out shakespeare, you've got some serious competition...

CailinMarie said...

that was wonderful -
really and tuly
I believe I shall be quoting "you shall learn the art of the toilet cleaning" for some time now... perhaps for life. brilliant.

so I have a situation. I am asking experienced bloggers for help.

due to legal issues I was asked to rename a blog, and give it a new address. which I did. and now someone is using it to spam people. which is really not cool. and they are writing to me to ask me why they are being spammed. so I am answering of course, but I'd like a public rebuttal. the new blog however doesn't have the readership to show up yet (I have only had it 2 weeks)
what to do???

http://facepretty.blogspot.com/2008/09/spam-my-pretty-face-arbonne-and.html

Sandy C. said...

"Tybalt thou art a dick..."

I spewed water at my monitor :)

Momo Fali said...

Dude. You really need to stop drinking and posting.

Whimspiration said...

Oh, it's just too perfect!