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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Burger Wars

We've already seen commercials in which one burger company like Jack in the Box makes fun of McDonald's cause of a recent law allowing companies to directly mention/parody their own competition. I'm waiting for these Burger wars to get nasty like the presidential election. Below is an example of Burger King ripping on McDonalds.

Interior Mall of America.

Roland McDon'tald walks into the mall. He is similar to Ronald McDonald in every way except he has purple hair and grey lipstick instead of red hair and red lipstick. He also has a bit of a drinking problem and is stumbling about the mall like a deer that has just been hit by a car. Roland stumbles over to the first group of kids and parents who all look terrified.

Roland McDon'tald: Hey kids and baby makers.

Roland scratches his butt and coughs.

Roland McDon'tald: Lets go eat at McDonald's cause eating shitty poor people food is awesome.

A blond child begins to cry.

Roland McDon'tald: Oh come on. Here, I'll give you a toy.

Roland pulls out a broken beer bottle.

Blond mom: That's not a toy that's a broken beer bottle.

Roland McDon'tald: Give me a break lady I just joined a twelve step program.

Blond mom: Great.

Roland McDon'tald: Yeah I took twelve steps to the fridge to get another beer. I'm loving it.

The lady hits Roland with her purse and then the proverbial Burger King pops up on the screen.

Burger King: I'm the Burger King and I approve this message

Here is McDonalds counter attack ad:

The Burger King and Jack in the Box are passed out in a shack on a bed spooning. Jack wakes up confused and stares at the Burger King before waking him up.

Jack: Hey King wake up. How much heroin did we do last night?

Burger King: I don't know man. A lot... a whole lot.

Jack: We didn't do anything gay did we?

The Burger King smiles coyly.

Burger King: I don't know... you tell me.

Jack: You son of a bitch. You know I'm straight! I even got got out of the hot tub in the swingers commercial.

Burger King: Well you sure liked sausage in your biscuit last night.

Jack: Noooooooooooo!

Burger King: How can you be surprised? I'm always waking up in other guys beds. Wake up with the King.

Then Ronald McDonald pops up.

Ronald McDonald: I'm Ronald McDonald and I approve this message. Eat McDonald's and don't do heroin.


LceeL said...

Witty. Very witty. You've just destroyed several long held and cherished images in my mind, but that's okay - the idea of the King in bed with Jack in the Box was worth it.

Momisodes said...

ROFL! I have to agree with lceel. King and Jack spooning has me rolling! I can just imagine Jack's confused, ping pong face :)

ciara said...

oh good lawdy! lmao! i knew the king was a little 'funny'...thinking he's more of a 'queen' hehe


I think they will need to hire you to start writing these dirty commercials. Where on earth do these ideas come from. Another wonderful post!

Kimmylyn said...

Your mind is brilliant.. too funny!!!

Happy Halloween!! :)

Don said...

I said the King was a perv from day one...loser commercials. Just go to Mcdonald's. We know Ronald is a perv because he's a clown.

~Static~ said...

ROFL niiiice!

Obviously, these mascots were designed as a marketing tactic to attract children... and paedophiles.

Let's hear it it for kids, drugs and child molesters...yay....ok, no.

cheneetot said...

you just awarded a butterfly award because i love your blog.


Michael Wong 38 said...

hey bro, what's new? really happy you're supporting my new project the self-updating bml 2.0 blogroll. i just added your blog url, you should see it immediately, cheers, talk to you on the bat channel. :)

ssgreylord said...

you're insane. positively insane. but boy, can you make me laugh...