Ronald McDonald to Retire? Don't McBet on it.

In Chicago it was announced today that Corporate Accountability International held a protest on Wednesday March 31st at a Chicago McDonalds demanding that Ronald McDonald retire. They say he has too much influence over kids eating habits. Luckily for me I was able to catch up with Ronald McDonald this morning via Skype.

Tim: Ronald with this new group calling for you to hang up your big red McShoes will you retire?

RMD: This is outrageous Tim. Honestly have you seen me in commercials lately? I mean come on, get out of town! If you were going to blame me in the 80's or 90's fine, I was on TV more than Justin Bieber, but now?

Tim: Do you really feel that you influence kids to eat at McDonalds?

RMD: Ridiculous once again. When little fat Suzie or little pudgy Johnny beg mom and dad for a happy meal, Mom and Dad need to say No. Tell little Suzie or Johnny that if they keep eating happy meals they are going to get insulin shots as a toy for their diabetes.

Tim: So you aren't to blame not even a tiny bit?

RMD: No Tim, not one bit. I don't pull a gun on people to tell them to eat at McDonalds. I'm a Mcfamilyman. I settled down with Birdie the Bird and we have a few McNuggets of our own. I never let them eat McDonalds. Did you know that I once got pulled over by the cops for no reason? They tried to say I had an ounce of marijuana on me, but they couldn't find shit. It was DWC.

Tim: DWC?

RMD:DWC Driving While Clown, look it up. It's all a setup. Luckily for me I don't have one of those clown squirting flowers on me. I know Bozo once got arrested for assault when he was pulled over and the cop touched his flower. Boom! Water sprayed in the officers face and Bozo got 7 years.




Tim: How does it make you feel that nobody is protesting Jack from Jack in the Box or The King from Burger King?

RMD: I feel rage. Those dicks are the scumbags and criminals of the fast food world. Don't let Jack's suit and tie fool you. He has been embezzling money from Jack in the Box for years. Might as well change the name of the restaurant to Enron in the box. As for the Burger King he just broke into a McDonalds and stole the Mcmuffin recipe. Not to mention all the beds he breaks into and climbs in. One time I woke up with the King and the next day he woke up to a restraining order.

Tim: What is next for you Ronald?

RMD: Well Birdie and I are going to take a cruise to the Bahamas with Mayor McCheese and his wife Grimace till this all blows over.

Tim: Wait Grimace is a woman? I always thought he was a man.

RMD: No, she is a woman. That is why her name is Grimace. When you find out she is a woman, you grimace.

Tim: Ah makes sense. Last question Ronald. What would you like to say directly to Corporate Accountability International?

RMD: Well I'd tell them that they need to start believing in magic and that they should order a happy meal from McDonalds. Lord knows they need the fun and nutrition a McDonalds meal provides.

Tim: There you have it. Thanks for that Ronald. Now I'm hungry and not loving it.

Farmville: The Video Game!

I have never myself played Farmville but as I understand it the game does not have an end. As a former recovering gamer who used to waste countless hours playing video games I cannot fathom playing a game that does not end. Today on the Soge Shirts blog I'm going to free all Facebook users once and for all as my protagonist Farmville Franny will attempt to beat the game Farmville.

As the game starts Farmville Franny is looking for the magical rake of justice that will finally bring rain to her dry farmland so her crops will grow. She know she must defeat a multitude of farm evil. Here are the villains she must defeat and each villains strengths and weaknesses.

Golden Chicken Little- Golden Chicken little is exactly like regular chicken little quite scared and frightened. He is by far the easiest of the Farmville enemies. All Franny must do is press the A button for threat and Golden Chicken little will give her a golden egg and run like the sky is falling. This golden egg can be used later.

Captain Moodur- Captain Moodur is a much more difficult opponent for Franny. He is a murderous cow and is directly responsible for the Chick Fil A eat more chiken cows who are his henchmen. His moves that Franny must avoid are the uddercut which is where he uses his udders to uppercut Franny. His most dangerous move is unpasteurized milk in which he shoots organic milk into your mouth. To defeat Captain Moodur Franny must find the mighty Mcdonalds meat packing plant.

The Skinless Potato- This level three bad guy is a potato with no skin and this is very angry. They say he may be Mr. Potato heads less famous older brother and thus became insane due to all the attention his plastic surgery loving brother was getting. The Skinless potato's moves that Franny must avoid are the spud scud in which the skinless potato peels a piece of himself with a knife and launches it at Farmville Franny's head and the tater crater. The Tater crater has never been used before but rumors are that the skinless potato has no genitals and that the crater involves something with his lack of genitals. Needless to say Farmville Franny must avoid this at all costs.

The Bowl Weevil- The bowl weevil is a pest that destroys crops but the one crop he never destroys is Marijuana. Most of the time the bowl weevil is too lazy to even attempt to get off its magic couch to destroy crops. It spends most of its days trying to turn the skinless potato into potato chips to cure its munchies. The bowl weevils main threat to Franny is that he will attempt to befriend her and get her to take a hit with him. If Franny can't resist his very persuasive phrase "just one quick one, just one" she may never get find the magical rake of justice or get employed by a home depot.

Farmville Users- The second to last villain in the game is Farmville users. Farmville users never want the game to end and will keep recruiting you to join Farmville like you were joining the skull and bones society at yale or a very charismatic cult. They will try to bribe Franny with Farmville gifts such as coins, chickens, cats, and even rats if that is what you are into. Anything to get Facebook users into their Farmville fam. For Franny to defeat them she must delete many of her Facebook friends and avoid adding new Facebook friends.

Colonel Kernel- Colonel Kernel is a well decorated piece of corn that has served in the Farmville army for many years. Recently he became elected as the head dictator of Farmville. He is the last boss in the game and only smashing his head with the golden egg can defeat him. His main weapons are his patented "oh no its stuck in my teeth" attack where he annoys you into submission by getting his corn stuck into your teeth. He also can change forms into ethanol which is usually quite ineffective. Once Franny defeats the Colonel she must shuck him to receive the magical rake of justice.

Good luck Franny in defeating Farmville. No one has done it yet but may you become a legend!

Cuddle party rap

In Sweden people are getting together to have cuddle parties in which people get together to touch each other in a non sexual way. I'm sure its only a matter of time before Swedish rappers begin to brag about their cuddling conquests so I decided I would beat them to the punch. My rap name will be Vanilla Nice and this rap is entitled "I'm gonna cuddle you."

I take command like a quarterback in the huddle
Girl you know I won't be subtle
cause girl we about to cuddle
I'm gonna cuddle you.

Like a pack of sleeping puppies curling up to their mom
My non sexual prowess goes to the break of dawn
so make sure to put your sweatpants and sweatshirt on
I'm gonna cuddle you

Chorus:
Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Columbus may have sailed the ocean blue
Thomas Jefferson told us what to do
George Clooney may have made love to you
but girl he never got to cuddle you.

When you need your cuddle fix like that
hit me up on that yahoo chat
I'll be your warm personal teddy bear
So bring over a blanket to share

Chorus:
Girl I just want to hug and lightly touch
I hope its not too much.
These fuzzy feelings I need not force
There won't be intercourse.

Where Rainbows Come From featured on I Am the Trend TV Tonight

Hey guys exciting news today. Our shirt Where Rainbows Come From seen above is going to be reviewed by the Tshirt and music review guys from I Am The Trend Television.

We need as many Soge supporters as we can get tonight at 9 pm eastern 6 pm pst over at http://www.justin.tv/staticontv so come check out I am the Trend TV tonight at 9 pm eastern. If you register at justin.tv for free you can even chat in the chat room and root us on. We may get some haters because I am the Trend usually reviews graphic tshirts instead of funny t shirts so any support you can throw our way will be much appreciated. Dave and I hope you can make it.

13 reasons Vampire Sex is dangerous

Ladies boinking the undead has returned to popularity in the last few years with the twilight saga, True blood,and Vampire Chronicles. Apparently pasty is tasty as our discolored friends our getting more things sucked as opposed to sucking blood. Here are thirteen reasons you may want to reconsider having sex with a vampire.

1. When having sex with a vampire you always need the male to wear a garlic condom for protection.

2. Herpes and Vampires have a lot in common, they're immortal and just won't go away so be careful.

3. Vampires sneak out during the night even more than regular guys do.

4. Vampires bites necks for their pleasure not yours.

5. Since vampires never die they are likely to have racked up a large amount of sexual partners and you know they love to talk about their history.

6. Vampires will steal your makeup and lipstick.

Photo by by Red Monkey Virus licensed by http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/

7. Instead of being deadbeat dads vampires are deaddead dads.

8. Vampires suck in bed.

9. Once you go bat you always get fat, or dead.

10. Some vampires trick you into having sex with them even though they are actually women. They don't call it Transylvania for nothing.

11. If you go back to his place Castles are not all they are cracked up to be. Good luck finding toilet paper.

12. After sex you have to spoon hanging upside down.

13. Once you get dumped werewolves sneak in as the rebound guy.

We need your vote, cause Once Again, We love our fans more and more

One of our awesome fans has somehow liked our tee shirt designs, and given us a great chance to earn some props! We're up for best top 10 designs of 2009 from a zazzle shop. Where Rainbows Come From, I'm not sure where they're created but I've got a gaseous feeling it's somewhere special. Like from a Unicorn!

HELP us out by casting your vote for the Top 10 Funniest Zazzle Designs of 2009, that's a big year.

Much Luv,

Soge Shirts


VOTE HERE Top 10 Funniest Zazzle Designs of 2009

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Rob from T-Shirt Strategy interviews David Cree from Soge shirts

Hey everyone Tim from Soge shirts here. Exciting news our friend Rob from the ladies clothing line Lady Umbrella interviewed my partner in crime David Cree about the Funny Tees he designs, our philosophy on pricing, plans for the future and more. If you think this is going to be a boring interview think again. Here is a short snippet in which David discusses how he came up with the idea for the "Every time you Eat meat a hippie drops a happy sack shirt"



Rob - Every time you eat meat a hippie drops a hacky sack - I laughed when I saw this. You happen to be at a bbq and witness said event or are you the hapless hacky sack hippie?

David - I used to live out of my car for a few months, and carried multiple hacky sacks around to all the people's places I crashed at. Met many different people, and a few were hippies. Great, wonderful, amazing people, not because they associated with the hippie group, but of who they are. We talked long and hard about the circle of life, and how you have to keep the hacky sack going to everyone to complete the circle. When it dropped we joked about people dying, or trees falling every time someone drops the hacky sack.

Catch the rest of the interview over at T-Shirt Strategy: Soge Shirts Interview