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Monday, July 14, 2008

Incredible inventions

Here are some interesting/cool/awful inventions that would either make Thomas Edison proud or jump out of his grave to strangle me.

Bad idea buzz- Whenever you get a bad idea you have a neurotransmitter implanted into your brain that jolts you. Bad ideas include makeup sex, breakup sex, road rage, credit card debt, various drugs, and Rob Schneider movies.

Invisible condom- Works just like a condom but it's invisible. The slogan will be I swear its on there.

Don't do that slapper- A device hooked up to a child or young teen till they are 18 that has slap hands at the ready if they do something dumb. Can either get slapped in the face or spanked. Not for creepy bedroom antics.

The double book- A book taped together to the back of another book. Might be especially effective for authors that write shitty novels. The buy in bulk concept could be the only selling point.

Bong pong- Like beer pong, but you take a hit every time you lose a point. You might be eating the paddles after the end of this game.

the knork- This was going to be an awesomely stupid invention in which I taped a fork to a knife so you could use both at the same time but I googled it and some guy made the knork. Its actually quite good and he made millions.

the onesome- Not an invention but a semi new phrase coined by the urban dictionary that hasn't caught on. Basically masterbating but way cooler. "Oh man last night was so crazy! I drank some vodka and knocked over the computer chair when i was having an intense onesome with myself." See much cooler.



Great inventions! I think that the invisible condom and the book ones are my favorites!

Claire said...

Don't do that slapper: Slapper is also another word for a slag or ho over here in the UK :)

So really don't do that slapper :)

You mean the invisible condom isn't real? Shit!


Sogeshirtsguy said...

Thanks heidi. Claire I had no idea. I guess its now the double don't do that slapper especially while using the invisible condom.

Bridget @ said...

I am still laughing...

Ok The Bad Idea Buzz - some of the best sex I have had has been breakup and makeup, I call it the breakup makeup loop I just keep it going all the way through. :) Then throw in a rebound to spice it up and it makes for quite a year! just kidding. kinda ;)

Sogeshirtsguy said...

haha quick jason start dating bridget and then dump her, get back together with her, and dump her again.

Bridget @ said...

lmao...No Tim it only works if I am the one doing the breakup makeup loop...its a control thing! You understand Im a chick my rules :)

Bubbles said...

Wow Lots of wonderful ideas!
Got the patent for the invisible condom yet:)

Alex Mcone said...

Onesome ... what a brilliant new word.

You will, ofcourse, allow me to use it in my daily conversations wont you ?

Sogeshirtsguy said...

Bubbles I don't have the patent yet. Someone might beat me to it lol. Alex feel free to use it as much as you want. The onesome is available to all.

myktoronto said...

Onesome? Oh Damn! Now that it's been identified Lilly and Pfeitzer'll be working on a pill to cure it!

shearyadi said...

I prefer to know that people have invented a condom that make me feels like not using it. LOL!!!

Christy said...

I definitely want the "don't do that, slapper" ESPECIALLY since it carries over into the teen years (I think that's when I'll need it the most.)

BTW-I had no idea there was such a thing as "break-up sex." Where've I been? Oh yeah, MARRIED! Almost forgot.

Sandy C. said...

I love urban dictionary :) Onesome is genius!

Is makeup sex really a bad idea? :)

john b said...

Too bad about the knork...great idea!

Barbara said...

Ya...too bad about the knork, os don't even think about a spork.
Onesome...sounds too lonely!

LceeL said...

Hey! I've been using invisible condoms for YEARS. On the other hand, maybe yours will be better. Mine always leaked.

ssgreylord said...

you are so crazy, i love it! i love the first one, the bad buzz idea. being blonde, so very blonde, i am always getting myself into trouble for seemingly "great" ideas i come up with.

wish you could've added the whole speech thing there, too. like whenever something stupid's about to come outta your mouth that buzz rings right over it and you're saved the embarrassment,,.

Stacey @Real World Mom said...

As always, I love your thinking! Can't wait to see these on the market!

ciara said...

lmao as far as onesome...i just call it 'self love' lol ha ha @ claire & slapper...that's what i instantly thought of cuz a blogging buddy refers to me as ciara slapper...lovingly of course :)