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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It's over American mimes

The American Mime used to be able to make a pretty penny from doing the lean, the rope, and the mime trapped in the box. With acrobatic french mimes from Cirque de Soleil, that isn't going to cut it anymore. It's time to step your game up American mime. Why should we watch your same humdrum unfunny antics when we can watch crazy mime contortionists doing backflips and summersaults 300 feet in the air?

You need to free yourself from the limitations of your box. Maybe you should copy the whimsical nature of the French mimes. At least copy their magical butter and fat based diets. Mix in a baguette and some wine, and you could do the splits while twirling downwards on a curtain that is hanging from the rafters. Next try holding your breath underwater for ten minutes, while doing your box routine. It will be more believable. Get your mime on while bungee jumping off the golden gate bridge. Go hang gliding blindfolded. Whatever you do, that mime sad face and waving isn't going to cut it anymore. You better take my criticisms to heart because I hear those French mimes just bought some blindfolds and a hang glider.


Kimmylyn said...

You never know what you will get at sogeshirts..hhahahaha

john b said...

On the creepy scale, with clowns being a 10, mimes are like an 8. PC edit: I apologize to any clowns or mimes out there, you're not really creepy.

Sogeshirtsguy said...

Kimmylyn I try to be as weird as possible. I have to say for myself that I'm doing great.

John- You are correct sir mimes are creepy. I think even more creepier than clowns. When you punch them in the gut they don't make a sound. Its scary.

The Natural State Hawg said...

I love it! Calling out those American mimes, are you?

Yeah, their routine is old and tired. There needs to be a revolution in the miming community, yeah?

Keep spreading the word...

The Natural State Hawg

myktoronto said...

OMG Tim this is hilarious but they're also Canadians. They're not from France! Cirque de Soleil is from Montréal. So it's Canadian versus American mimes! *yikes!*

The invisible bitch slaps will be flying everywhere!


Your mind is a treasure trove of hilarious adventures. I wish that I had an ounce of your funny imagination! Loved it.

Eve Grey said...

I actually googled mime vids after this. That is some sad, weird-ass shit right there. A 12 on the creepy factor.
I do LOVE Cirque de Soleil though. (:

ssgreylord said...

I never liked mimes anyway... they've always scared me...

LceeL said...

The only thing I can't figure out is how to mime a comment.

~Static~ said...

A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Actually Mimes and french Cirque clowns suck. They are worse than clowns. I can't tell if clowns are watered down versions of mimes or if it's the other way around. And as far as french clowns go well aren't they all? Wait, lets just make that ' the french suck '.

I'd also like to know answers to these questions;

If a mime swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?


Huckdoll said...

The thing about mimes is they'll always have the creep factor over Cirque, hands down. (or around the glass box..)