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Friday, August 15, 2008

Top six Celebrity Spies

With the recent revelation that Chef Julia Child worked undercover for what is now known as the CIA credible sources revealed several other former Celebrity agents. I always wondered why Julia Child served Cold War cuts and now I know.

1. Mister Rogers- His slogan was won't you be my neighbor unless you're a dirty communist. Beneath his nice guy exterior Rogers was responsible for the deaths of many Russian spies using the sweater strangler technique.



2. Joan Rivers- A master of disguises due to her many plastic surgeries, Rivers made many missions into Nicaragua and Vietnam. She could never change her distinct voice however and was captured many times only to be sent back. Her captors couldn't handle criticism of their guerilla style uniforms.



3. The Odd couple Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau- The Odd couple indeed. These two nearly fought to the death several times during their spy careers including a cane fight on the set of Grumpy Old men. Lemon was brainwashed by Moscow to steal U.S. secrets, which is why he was the uptight one. Matthau was the CIA counter to stop Lemon and the Odd Couple TV show was the vehicle to ensure that they always crossed paths.



4. Desi Arnaz as Ricky Ricardo- A U.S. national hero, Ricardo was instrumental in stopping the Cuban Missile crisis. His famous quote "Fidelllllll don't you dare blow up the US of A" calmed Castro's nerves. Despite preventing a global crisis he was unable to stop Lucy and that darn pie machine.

5. Barbara Walters- Alive for more than 300 years her Benedict Arnold interview landed her a gig with the CIA. It's rumored that during one interrogation of Hitler her barrage of inaudible questions made him ask for a Teddy bear to hug.



6. Regis Philbin- The U.S. answer to Chinese water torture Philbin was a fixture at Guantanamo. With his patented bitter beer face and endless amounts of energy and enthusiasm Philbin cracked every single terror suspect in less than three hours. One suspect claimed "he was just too annoying and I gave up everything."

9 comments:

The Natural State Hawg said...

Dugg...

"Won't you be my neighbor unless you're a dirty communist?"

Classic, man. Just classic...

Visit the Natural State Hawg

Pand0ra Wilde said...

Pink puffy heart this one.


I also have a funny funny about Mr. Rogers--the PS told me he wore the trademark sweater because he had tattoos from his military service as a Navy Seal. Here's the page from Snopes, though:

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/mrrogers.asp

Sorry, cool story but not true. Wouldn't it be awesome if it was though?

There's a similar one Lee Marvin tells about Bob Keeshan, aka Captain Kangaroo, that isn't true either, although lee Marvin did serve, just not with the Cap'n.

john b said...

You got it, I would rather be water boarded than be subjected to Regis and Kelly. I'll tell you anything you want to know, just don't make me watch big mouth and the.....blonde.

Momo Fali said...

I think Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson are actually the same person.

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

I love the Joan Rivers and Mister Rogers spies. You kill me again and I am sitting here laughing.

Don said...

WTF? No Stan Laurel or Oliver Hardy? War sucks.

ssgreylord said...

Mr. Roger"s. Spy material? I loved him!! Though I never loved his sweaters...it's no wonder.

you are the best, Tim, the very best...

Kimmylyn said...

I had NO idea about Mr. Roger. And the Oprah line had me rolling on the floor..

CailinMarie said...

the sweater strangler technique is my favorite... didn't you know that is how the twinset got started?