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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Cereal box advice

Have you ever noticed that the back of cereal boxes try to give you advice on how to live your life? They give you lists like ten things you can do instead of watching TV, or ten ways to help the earth. Every single list is the same and they always tell me to go fly a kite. Go fly a kite? How many people still fly kites? I never found kite flying to be very fun as a kid the few times that I got that flying red time waster into the air. The other thing I noticed about cereal box advice is that they never tell people to go take a hike. I guess it's cause they are afraid of potentially offending people if they take that phrase the wrong way. I'm pretty sure that most people would be able to figure out that they didn't mean go take a hike you fat lazy blob.

Also why does a cereal box get to usurp so much authority and tell everyone what they should or should not do with their free time? I know breakfast is the most important meal of the day but I didn't know that gave cereal boxes the right to be Dr. Phil, Oprah, the mayor, and my parents all rolled into one. Only those people can try to tell me what to do. The other thing I've noticed is that when cereal boxes tell you what to do they don't set the bar very high. They tell you to go spend time with your family, but never to cure cancer. They tell you to go plant a tree, but never to save the rain forest. They tell you to eat more cereal and not to eat donuts. Just bad advice all around. Take the cereal box power away. Instead of reading the back of cereal boxes go fly a kite, plant a tree, and take a hike.

12 comments:

ssgreylord said...

just checked my cereal boxes. you're right. cheerios gave tips on how to get your baby to fall asleep. kashi encouraged you to live a healthy lifestyle. fiber one just left a yummy sounding recipe on the side but that's probably because no one likes fiber one on its own.

once again, you're on the money in a hilarious, if not thought provoking way... thanks for the laughs.

p.s. did i really admit those incredibly boring cereals are in my cupboard. please don't judge me. :)

john b said...

I always thought flying a kite was boring too, until last week when that dude in Florida was wisked across the beach into the hotel parking lot. They should put a warning on cereal boxes to "let go" when being hurled by tropical winds towards a large concrete building.

Pand0ra Wilde said...

I'm surprised they use "Go fly a kite," since it basically means the same thing as "take a hike", but what do I know? I just eat cereal--I don't make the boxes. I have enough to do just packaging my own goodies.

ciara said...

i HATE cereal, as do my girls...problem solved! LOL

we have kites that still are in box. we are known for the wind in our city. we had our kite festival this year and no wind to be had! it's been too darned hot. figures.

~Static~ said...

Good gawd! Amen to that brother. Cereal box advice? As if Dr. Phil, Oprah, the mayor, and parents weren't wrong enough, now they have cereal boxes giving bad advice.

I wish they'd all go fly a kite, take a hike and shove bowling balls up their asses.

Being Booga said...

I LOVE to fly kites - I am all stocked up (they only sell the little regular kites at certain times of the year - early spring) for the next windy day! Yes I know I disappeared, long story...yes I really do fly kites. Great post! (Post...Cereal...Get it?)

Sandy C. said...

Seriously? Cereal boxes giving advice? Perhaps I should start putting those fortune cookie tips to good use :)

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

I have been reading the backs of cereal boxes since I can remember and laughed all the way through this. It is so true and you put it in such a way that I cannot stop smiling. I just love stopping by here!

Kimmylyn said...

Hell if I am paying $4.50 for a box of cereal it better be doing something for me.. hahahahah

Eve Grey said...

or you could always try toast...

J. C. said...

Great Post again man, I gave it stumble. Cheers.

Regretful Morning said...

Potential lawsuit: Hiker mauled by bear after taking advice from cereal box.