Juice boosts

juice boosts- Jamba juice or any juice store has many fantastic boosts that you can add to your drink to make life better. From energy boosts, memory boosts, and protein boosts there are so many things that can give you an extra kick. That being said as Mr. Burns from the Simpson states "I'd trade it all for a little bit more." Here are my ideas for boosts that Jamba Juice and other juice companies haven't thought of yet.

pms remover- Not just for ladies either as their is such a thing as male pms. Those crabby moods got to go. Boost it.


the secret of life- Give me the secret of life boost please. Is it inner peace, unlimited friends, being Hue Hefner? Should be a tasty boost with a mango madness juice.

ego debooster- Sometimes we might have too big of an ego. I need something that will bring me down to a nice even keel so I can quietly think I'm better than you. Just kidding friends!

good timing- The good timing boost would be huge. You get that promotion just when you're jerk boss gets fired so you take his job. You get that sweet parking spot at the mall or sporting event and your dog decides to do his business in the back yard instead of on your walks. One berry smoothie with good timing please.

the right thing to say- whether its to your significant other when he/she is mad, or a pickup line at the bar. Its nice to use a witty comeback or ace a promising job interview by using language as your friend. The right thing to say boost would be huge.

time traveling- This one is self explanatory. Get to work Jamba juice. In fact if anyone has time travel capabilities go to the future so we can get the time travel boost in our juice.

Economic- We definitely need a green tea delight with an economic boost cause we certainly aren't getting it from the government or wall street. It might be the only green you see for awhile lol lol lol sigh.

Dance Crazes

Everyone loves a great dance craze. It started with "head, shoulders, knees and toes on that tuesday back in the day", the zany running man, the mullet rocking achy breaky shuffle, and the "moving around in a circle, never looked so nauseating" Macarena. Today we're going to look at some future possible dance crazes.


Tiny Tequilla- A dance where both dance partners do Tila Tequilla pole grind dance moves and then simulate down south adventures on each other. It might catch on at the high schools.

The Disney Channel- A dance in which there is no touching, not even innocent touching. Two second stares are allowed, however batting eyelashes too long is grounds for dance floor removal. You must be at least ten feet away from your partner and your dancing must not be sensual. You don't want to arouse your partners happy zone from across the room. Inspired by the Jonas brothers.

The Politician- First before doing the politician you lie and say you are a great dancer. Then you trip up over your own feet, put your foot in your mouth, spin spin spin, and backtrack away from the dance floor.

The Hand Grenade- Do some generic dance moves before faking like you are opening a pin of a grenade and throwing it into the dance floor somewhere. After five seconds jump two steps back, duck and cover your ears. This is a great dance at weddings

I'll take one of each - Starting with one partner, don't dance, but smash waistlines while you hold your drink above your head, throw pointer fingers at the bouncer, and wink furiously at each person you can find. Improvisation is welcomed. Next step is to slowly switch partners with the person next to you, and continuously wash the back of your pants or dress, with that partners frontal region. Pace yourself, because you're going to switch partners again in a minute

The Hangover- Grab your head like you have a headache and dance disoriented like you're a confused zombie that couldn't find any brains (my normal dancing style). Sporadically fling out the phrase, "i'm soo wasted."At the end drink water and fake like you are going to down two aspirin.

Heavens gate 2008

Hey everyone Tim from soge shirts reporting. Today I have an exclusive with Marshall Applewhite from the Heavens Gate Cult, who has taken his space ship back to earth to visit us.

Marshall Applewhite: West side!

Tim: uh that was random so Marshall how are you and your crew doing? The last we saw of you was after you took phenobarbital and put those purple shrouds over your faces.

Marshall Applewhite: Yeah don't forget the sweet black nikes we rocked or when all us dudes cut our balls off.

Tim: Oh yeah how did that work out for you.

Marshall Applewhite: Pretty sweet. We landed on Punani 5 the all women planet. There are so many hot chicks. Human compatible too.

Tim: So you retained your genitals.

Marshall Applewhite: No but I bang them in my mind. Its pretty intense.

Tim: Ah tough break tough break. So whats it like on the planet?

Marshall Applewhite: Well besides the hot alien poontang it kinda sucks. We really should of taken a ship full of toilet paper. They don't have it here. I could use a hands free phone I'll tell you that much.


Tim: Ugh gross.

Marshall Applewhite: Yeah high five (Marshall tries to high five me. I get out of the way.)

Tim: Hell no. What else about the planet?

Marshall Applewhite: The whole human colony ran out of shoes too. Our nikes finally crapped out on us so we have resorted to using the carcasses of our deceased to make new shoes.

Tim: You are one sick sob.

Marshall Applewhite: Yeah these are my second pair. Troy was good to me but is nothing compared to Kelvin. His skin is so soft and flexible. Great ankle support too.

Tim: I hate you. Moving on why did you come back here?

Marshall Applewhite: Summer movies of course. I gots to see Wanted and Pineapple Express looks like the best stoner comedy since knocked up. Of course pixar always brings the noise so Walle will be sweet.

Tim: How did you hear about the summer movies here?

Marshall Applewhite: Oh an alien friend of mine is living amongst you. You might have heard of him. Hes a former wwf wrestler with a cocky punk of a son. Their both trying to make money off a friends coma. Only heartless aliens would do that.

Tim: Ah that makes sense.

Marshall Applewhite: So did you see sex and the city?

Tim: Yeah my gf and I ...

Marshall Applewhite: Who's castrated now?

Tim: Touche.

Stupid keywords

Here are some great stupid keywords phrases that will be sure to get you to the top page of google.

Abominable Snow Dildo- The Abominable snow man has been locked away in the matterhorn for years and so the abominable snow lady gets pretty lonely. She still has retained her natural urges thus the abominable snow dildo.

Headbanging jazzercise- You haven’t heard of the new headbanging jazzercise classes? Well me neither but jazzercise has to evolve and be relevant again. Headbanging is just the twist it needs.

Vegan animal haters- We all know that vegans hate meat but there are some that take it a step further and blame the animals themselves. "Stop dying and making meat," they yell at the animals.

cow tipping businessman- Only backwater people cow tip so I doubt this term has been taking. Write an article about leaving your corporate office and go cow tipping in your suit and tie. Hmm Dwight Schrute from the office might do this so act fast.

alcoholic monks- There is belgian beer blessed by monks so this is the next step. Its gonna happen, a monk is going to hit the bottle a lot. You’ll be there when it does as an alcoholic monk expert. This monk will chug twelve packs and listen to nirvana instead of achieving nirvana.

moral congressman- I haven't seen one so wake me up when this happens. Actually you probably won't get ranked high with this one cause every congressman lies and says that they are moral.

Amish phone operator- Like I said in my blog description above they can't use the internet or electricity in general. This one should be easy.

Godgle page rank

O deity godgle please bless me with a page rank of five some day. I've been a good boy. I pushed Yahoo down a flight of stairs. I threw MSN off a nine story building like it was Martin Sheen in the departed. Those sites megabite and I will megahurtz them. I must achieve a high page rank or else there is no point to this cursed life. With your page rank system you've created internet bums on the virtual street begging for a link to a high page ranking site. The sites that have achieved the high page rank are the oil barons setting their prices for links. You want a link? 500 bucks you pond scum site for the almighty godgle has blessed this site with a page rank of seven. Now bow down peasant webmasters. Oh mighty godgle why couldn't you have been humble and given google.com a page rank of nine instead of ten. We know google is important but it makes you look like the Russian figure skating judge at the olympics when you give nines to yahoo, msn, and aol.

Thank you godgle for creating inequality on the internet and securing a system where the rich get richer. The real world did not have enough of those traits. We definitely needed a system where to rank high on search engines you have to start from the bottom and scrap, beg, and pay for links to the old money sites. Also a system where you google can change a site's page rank and the criteria for page rank at any time is quite helpful. Your mysterious ways so work for you. Please don't smite me and my tiny site as i'm doing my part to destroy yahoo. I will pile more spam onto the users of yahoo than a vegetarian luau. Thanks!

The Get Smart Blog

One of my favorite blogs out there has to be the Get Smart blog by my blogging buddy Bridget (three b's in a row yeah i went there). I can't really pinpoint how i'd describe it but in the words of Bridget " I have techie posts, girly posts, random posts, and even frustrated posts there are some people who read all of them, and then those that gravitate to what suits their particular tastes." You really never know what you are going to get whenever Bridget posts it could be a very helpful new tool in technology that will help you be more efficient on the internet like her post on Lijit.com http://www.thegetsmartblog.com/2008/05/why-i-like-lijitcom.html or it could be an entertaining rant.

Bridget makes it obvious that her blog is a business blog trying to help promote her consulting company getsmartwomen.com which is a site that aims to help take women in business to the next level. Although I am not a woman (checks down pants nope all dude) I decided to subscribe to her free newsletter because I was so impressed with the professionalism and the sample articles on the site. Besides all the great tech reviews, and the consulting advice, I find myself drawn to her blog because she says whats on her mind. If she's pissed or frustrated she lets her readers know and if she is in a good mood then her blog is going to be funny and witty. She also participated in the seven sins posts in which she gave her thoughts on every sin. The entertaining sins were quite amusing like envy and gluttony. So check out the getsmartgal blog if you want some good old tech reviews and social commentary.


Here are some other blogs I enjoy

Huckdoll's Hood - Not the typical mom blog huckdoll is funny and shares stories of her past.

regretful morning - blog full of entertaining regret stories full of drunken debauchery and funny things that people regret doing. Not for the faint of heart but it makes me laugh every time.

My life as it was, is, and will be-
A very spiritual blog. Very well written and leaves me more at peace with the world after I read it.

security for idiots- This blog takes on all kind of issues and makes the argument with very sound reasoning. David who writes it should be an ambassador.

health nut wannabee mom blog- Great health tips always. Foods that help you lose weight, look younger, etc.

Ezgreatlife- Blog with great finance tips, family stories, and health tips from an All american dad

Paparazzi and Publicists

In today's blog i want to address the effect the media has on young female celebrities such as Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Miley Cyrus etc. I want to preface this blog with an important note. The responsibility and actions taken by young female celebrities are mostly their own fault for any consequences that occur. That being said their are numerous factors that play into their bad decisions.
First of all the paparazzi are paid stalkers that get paid to dig up and try to catch these girls in the most compromising of positions. Just leave them alone when they are trying to use the restroom or are having a private family moment.

Secondly I swear that the day these girls turn 18 ,or 15 in Miley Cyrus's case, their publicists immediately get working on getting rid of that innocent image. Being responsible and grounded doesn't get media coverage or magazine covers and its boring. Instead publicists help convert their clients from wholesome to whoresome.These young ladies go from hello kitty to hello pussy, bobbing for apples to bobbing for aholes, spelling tests to pregnancy test,and from using ez bake ovens to being baked and easy. Its sad how much we know about these celebrities when it really shouldn't be any of our business. I would write more but I got to pick up an us weekly and go watch extra.