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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Heavens gate 2008

Hey everyone Tim from soge shirts reporting. Today I have an exclusive with Marshall Applewhite from the Heavens Gate Cult, who has taken his space ship back to earth to visit us.

Marshall Applewhite: West side!

Tim: uh that was random so Marshall how are you and your crew doing? The last we saw of you was after you took phenobarbital and put those purple shrouds over your faces.

Marshall Applewhite: Yeah don't forget the sweet black nikes we rocked or when all us dudes cut our balls off.

Tim: Oh yeah how did that work out for you.

Marshall Applewhite: Pretty sweet. We landed on Punani 5 the all women planet. There are so many hot chicks. Human compatible too.

Tim: So you retained your genitals.

Marshall Applewhite: No but I bang them in my mind. Its pretty intense.

Tim: Ah tough break tough break. So whats it like on the planet?

Marshall Applewhite: Well besides the hot alien poontang it kinda sucks. We really should of taken a ship full of toilet paper. They don't have it here. I could use a hands free phone I'll tell you that much.

Tim: Ugh gross.

Marshall Applewhite: Yeah high five (Marshall tries to high five me. I get out of the way.)

Tim: Hell no. What else about the planet?

Marshall Applewhite: The whole human colony ran out of shoes too. Our nikes finally crapped out on us so we have resorted to using the carcasses of our deceased to make new shoes.

Tim: You are one sick sob.

Marshall Applewhite: Yeah these are my second pair. Troy was good to me but is nothing compared to Kelvin. His skin is so soft and flexible. Great ankle support too.

Tim: I hate you. Moving on why did you come back here?

Marshall Applewhite: Summer movies of course. I gots to see Wanted and Pineapple Express looks like the best stoner comedy since knocked up. Of course pixar always brings the noise so Walle will be sweet.

Tim: How did you hear about the summer movies here?

Marshall Applewhite: Oh an alien friend of mine is living amongst you. You might have heard of him. Hes a former wwf wrestler with a cocky punk of a son. Their both trying to make money off a friends coma. Only heartless aliens would do that.

Tim: Ah that makes sense.

Marshall Applewhite: So did you see sex and the city?

Tim: Yeah my gf and I ...

Marshall Applewhite: Who's castrated now?

Tim: Touche.


Momo Fali said...

"...I bang them in my mind", sounds like a lot of men I know here on earth.

LceeL said...

Sounds like EVERY man on earth. Well, almost. Sounds like every John Wayne homophobic man on earth.

myktoronto said...

Wohoo Tim! This is the best yet! Freakin' hilarious dude!

...woops! i gotta run there's a message on my toaster (finally; I need to get a four slice; more RAM) it's likely the mother ship calling about the shipping charges on my new foil hat!

Bridget said...

Funny stuff there a disturbing I am really laughin but should I admit that-sort of way. ;)


I love the ending!!!!

Christy said...

C'mon, you know you liked Sex and the City! You crack me up!

Eve Grey said...

Yeah high five (Marshall tries to high five me. I get out of the way.)


Regretful Morning said...

You = out there. Epic ending :)