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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Godgle page rank

O deity godgle please bless me with a page rank of five some day. I've been a good boy. I pushed Yahoo down a flight of stairs. I threw MSN off a nine story building like it was Martin Sheen in the departed. Those sites megabite and I will megahurtz them. I must achieve a high page rank or else there is no point to this cursed life. With your page rank system you've created internet bums on the virtual street begging for a link to a high page ranking site. The sites that have achieved the high page rank are the oil barons setting their prices for links. You want a link? 500 bucks you pond scum site for the almighty godgle has blessed this site with a page rank of seven. Now bow down peasant webmasters. Oh mighty godgle why couldn't you have been humble and given google.com a page rank of nine instead of ten. We know google is important but it makes you look like the Russian figure skating judge at the olympics when you give nines to yahoo, msn, and aol.

Thank you godgle for creating inequality on the internet and securing a system where the rich get richer. The real world did not have enough of those traits. We definitely needed a system where to rank high on search engines you have to start from the bottom and scrap, beg, and pay for links to the old money sites. Also a system where you google can change a site's page rank and the criteria for page rank at any time is quite helpful. Your mysterious ways so work for you. Please don't smite me and my tiny site as i'm doing my part to destroy yahoo. I will pile more spam onto the users of yahoo than a vegetarian luau. Thanks!

14 comments:

Bridget said...

Too funny Tim, let know how kissin Google's bum goes for ya? :) Poor Yahoo :( and be careful in messin with msn, Bill Gates is a demigod in his own right. Car starts clickin weird...run!! ha,ha

Regretful Morning said...

I have never checked my google page rank - Going to now though!

Jim Juris said...

I checked my web site statistics today and I found that the mighty Google brings in close to 80% of my visitors.

Poor Yahoo only brings in about 13%
MSN and AOL share about 2% each.

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

Oh my Tim! You go get them!!! I am right behind you (nice view). You somehow managed to turn the ever so frustrating page rank into a funny post. You could make mud funny.

Gail Alexander said...

Your blog was hilarious. I hope that I never find out how a megabyte megahurtz. It is painful enougn to know that my blog is not even in the top 100,000!

Martin Miller-Yianni said...

Never really gave it any thought before reading this. A serious message brought forward but glady entertaining blog has put a perpective on ranking credentials.
With a pr0 the only way is up.

Shaxx said...

LOL! You are funny!

Sue said...

Wait, what??? How do you find out your Google rank? I don't need this kind of pressure!! I'm already obsessing about my rank on Humor-blogs and that's just the Family category.

Huckdoll said...

Haha, this post was delicious.

I've been slumming it at 4 for the last few months and I've finally found acceptance. If I ever hit 5 I will feel godly.

ciara said...

lmao...i have a 0 for one blog and a 1 for another...two just have bras that are the same color as top of my browser. it cracks me up...and it's funny how if you do payperpost you're ranking goes down. lol

MoonDog said...

I've been running at 4 for about two months, which I guess isn't bad for a site that is five months old. I'm not one to place a lot of emphasis on page rank though. It's about unique page views and total unique visits.

If it's any consolation, I posted a link to you in my blog roll. Maybe my big 4 will carry a little weight. Doubtful, but hey, every little bit helps right?

Later.

David Tamayo said...

I envy those that even have ranks. I get n/a every time that I check my rank. =0)

Sue said...

I don't feel to sorry for those with 4 or 5's, please. I'm stuck on a big fat Zero. Oh well, what does it really matter?

Kampanye Damai Pemilu Indonesia 2009 said...

That's very funny....

you make a great humor story...

hehehhe