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Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dance Crazes

Everyone loves a great dance craze. It started with "head, shoulders, knees and toes on that tuesday back in the day", the zany running man, the mullet rocking achy breaky shuffle, and the "moving around in a circle, never looked so nauseating" Macarena. Today we're going to look at some future possible dance crazes.

Tiny Tequilla- A dance where both dance partners do Tila Tequilla pole grind dance moves and then simulate down south adventures on each other. It might catch on at the high schools.

The Disney Channel- A dance in which there is no touching, not even innocent touching. Two second stares are allowed, however batting eyelashes too long is grounds for dance floor removal. You must be at least ten feet away from your partner and your dancing must not be sensual. You don't want to arouse your partners happy zone from across the room. Inspired by the Jonas brothers.

The Politician- First before doing the politician you lie and say you are a great dancer. Then you trip up over your own feet, put your foot in your mouth, spin spin spin, and backtrack away from the dance floor.

The Hand Grenade- Do some generic dance moves before faking like you are opening a pin of a grenade and throwing it into the dance floor somewhere. After five seconds jump two steps back, duck and cover your ears. This is a great dance at weddings

I'll take one of each - Starting with one partner, don't dance, but smash waistlines while you hold your drink above your head, throw pointer fingers at the bouncer, and wink furiously at each person you can find. Improvisation is welcomed. Next step is to slowly switch partners with the person next to you, and continuously wash the back of your pants or dress, with that partners frontal region. Pace yourself, because you're going to switch partners again in a minute

The Hangover- Grab your head like you have a headache and dance disoriented like you're a confused zombie that couldn't find any brains (my normal dancing style). Sporadically fling out the phrase, "i'm soo wasted."At the end drink water and fake like you are going to down two aspirin.



okay, this one had me laughing and laughing. I could envision each dance and they are hysterical. I was trying to decide which was my favorite but they are all so great I just can't decide. Will have to think on this tonight. I'd love to see you on youtube demonstrating these for us one day.

john b said...

Hey Tim, great post. I like the Politician. You should had a submissive element, like maybe bending over and dancing with your arms a dangling.

Christy said...

You are hilarious! I think my favorite is the politician..."spin, spin, spin." Very funny. I don't think I could remember how to dance anymore even if I tried (yes, it's been that long.)

Regretful Morning said...

Hand grenade for the win. I've already mastered the dice throw, this will be a nice addition.

Aphro-ME-siac said...

Thanks for the laugh!!! Exactly what I needed right now... I am going to go back and read it again:)

Bridget @ said...

Does the Disney dance have a height restriction?

I like the politician dance, I think that is should include a couple of I'll take one of each dance moves though....isn't that what politicians are known for?

So you and Jason both have the "white boy" dance moves huh? ;)

Great post as usual Tim!!

Sue said...

The Disney Channel dance is cool. My sister actually went to a private school for 8-12 grade, and they didn't allow dancing! They thought it wasn't Christian and they couldn't even have a prom!

Sandy C. said...

These are hilarious! Have you seen the little mermaid's outfit?

Man, I've danced with several guys doing the hangover before. I guess they were ahead of their time ;)

ssgreylord said...

How do you choose between such cool dances. I think I'll try one of each and see which one sticks. Rather partial to the disney since my favorite phrase was: "Don't try to arouse the other's happy zone". Nice.

David Tamayo said...

I love the Grenade at the wedding. Sure there wasn't something going on in the sub conscience there Tim. How about the "I got that" dance. This dance happens when the bill arrives after dinner in a restaurant. Every body makes gestures lie they are reaching for a wallet and then pats their chests like they are checking for non existent breast pockets...=0)