The Horror

So Friday the 13th the 42nd is now once again number one at the box office. How many more horror remakes can we take? I believe there is a perpetual horror green room filled with Michael Myers from Halloween, Jason from Friday the 13th, and Chucky from Child's Play and they all play rock, paper, scissors to see which crappy franchise to remake. If they are going to do a remake at least add a twist to it. Here are some horror movie remakes that might be a bit more fun.

Seniors play- In this remake of Child's Play Chucky the satanic doll has aged quite a bit and is no longer stabbing his victims with a butcher knife. Instead Chucky now called Charles, because no 70 year old man should be named Chucky, is confined to an old folks home and is hitting his victims feebly with a cane. Whenever he hits someone he is denied his bread pudding and has to go to bed at 4pm. The movie ends with Charles adopting a stuffed animal puppy.

Carrie 4 in the city- In this remake Carrie is once again doused with blood and freaks out. She gets blood dumped on her by Peta for wearing too many fur coats to fashion shows she is covering for her magazine. Because of this she freaks out and in a fit of rage divorces her husband Mr. Big. She moves in with her friend Samantha and they chase young twenty somethings into their sixties. Hint: The references in here are to a TV show that I won't admit to watching/liking but its pretty good.

Nightmare on Wall street- Freddy Krueger no longer haunts peoples' dreams he just hangs out on Wall street shooting the shit with depressed businessmen. He doesn't even kill people anymore he just tries to help people rebuild their 401k's and provide moral support. Don't ask him about Obama's stimulus bill cause he tends to always want to slash every program in site.

I left Las Vegas

I just returned from a vacation from Las Vegas. I experienced what I like to call first hand smoke. Their was so much cigarette smoke in the air from depressed down on their luck Vegas folk that I looked like I was a chimney sweeper from Mary Poppins after every day. The most amusing moment in Vegas was when my girlfriend and I walked past the fountains in front of the Bellagio and were subjected to a very angry Michael Jackson impersonator along with his fellow impersonator Captain Jack Sparrow. Why was fake Michael Jackson angry (and I use the term fake quite loosely given the original Michael Jackson's state )? Apparently he did his Michael Jackson dance performance and I didn't even notice he was there till I walked by. Having not received any of my money I could feel the cold dead eyes seething through the terrible makeup job and I feared I was going to get rhinestone glove slapped. Besides Captain Jack may have had one of those plastic swords and you don't mess with a grown man carrying a plastic sword.

Although the brilliant fountain show was going on I wondered to myself what made those two costumed gents one day decide that they would be street performers. Also although Captain Jack could get some gigs at kid parties I'm not sure about that Michael Jackson. My advice to Michael Jackson impersonator guy is to start impersonating Miley Cyrus if he wants to make the big bucks at parties. Maybe a Jonas brother at the very least if you can't pull the girl thing lest I remind you that you are already wearing a wig and make up. Well as you can see this blog is pretty random and pointless but I just got back from Vegas and it kinda sums up the nature of the town.

Later facebook friend i'm hungry

Don't know if you guys heard about this but until yesterday Burger King had an application on facebook in which if you sacrificed ten facebook friends you would receive a free whopper. Apparently facebook friendships aren't very important and 233,906 online friendships were ended. I can understand getting rid of ten facebook friends that you really don't know but I'm sure there were people out there that dumped some buddies for 3 dollars and fifty cents of angus beef on a bun. Surely more of these sacrifice applications will emerge in the next year or so. Here are five possibilities.

1. Dump your boyfriend/girlfriend via the let's just be friends facebook application and receive a free two weeks of matches on match.com

2. Convert to a new religion via the you are now saved in whatever denomination you just chose application and receive 15 percent off on the new religious book you just bought.

3. Put your pet to sleep via the get something cuter application and receive a coupon from your nearest puppy mill.

4. Foreclose your house via the you're screwed application and you get a coupon for nothing cause you're screwed.

5. Get rid of any myspace friends you have via the thanks for crushing myspace application and facebook will give you the super duper poke app.

Funny t-shirts: Join soge club

As some of you may not know a few days ago we redesigned our funny t-shirt shop http://sogeshirts.com Our site is now more organized, cleaner, has more shirts, and is able to leap buildings in a single bound. We would love everyone who reads the blog to sign up to soge club on the home page by leaving your email, answering a few questions, and confirming your subscription in your email. Soge club will very rarely be used for updates on new shirts and bargains. Instead you will receive special funny emails written by me, some odd or amusing t-shirts from around the web, and a toy prize. Ok maybe not a toy prize but we will throw in some prizes in there every once in a while. You can sign up directly here http://sogeshirts.com/signupform.html Also check out our about me section where Dave and I post our funny story of how the t-shirt company got started. Feel free to give us feedback and let us know how superkickassomegawesome the site is or if you think it sucks keep it to yourself. Just kidding tell us that too.

Also here are some of our latest t-shirt designs. Here is a funny social media t-shirt poking fun at twitter. For those of you that don't use twitter the @ replay crushing the bird represents when you talk to one of your twitter friends. If you have over a 1000 like me then you can get overwhelmed with @ replies or twitter will crash. Thus the bird gets crushed.
http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/6373867





Here's our new cute kids t-shirt I color outside the lines. Its for the rebel kid or the kid that has no artistic talent such as myself.

http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/6278947



We are also going to be making some really terrific graphic t-shirts. Here is a great skull pirate shirt.
http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/5966909


Finally we put up a funny graphic t-shirt making fun of heads vs tails. Heads and Tails want to end their rivalry once and for all.
http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/6343584

The first human clone

He's on American Idol, an E news show, hosts a radio program in southern California, co hosts rocking new years eve with Dick Clarke I'm convinced that Ryan Seacrest has cloned himself. There is no other possible way he can do all these things at once and stay that cheery and androgynous. He must have cloned himself or made enthusiastic Simon Cowell handling robots of himself. I stick with the clone theory though because Seacrest still possesses some humanity amidst his smorgasbord of hollywood jobs. He's working so hard that even Oprah and Donald Trump are telling him to take it easy. There is this joke that Chuck Norris can defeat anything and anyone but I think he would get Seacrested. The Seacrest clones are too fast and too enthusiastic.

Seacrest may be a lot older than he looks. Who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby? Seacrest. Who built stonehenge? Seacrest clones of course and they whisteled the whole time. Most important why is the economy bad? The Seacrest borgs have taken up all the jobs and they aren't sharing. They especially are taking up all the waiter, concierge, and host jobs. You can't compete with their hard work, service with a smile, and the years of Simon Cowell putdowns have made them resistant to any negative complaints or shouts.

The question is how can you stop the Seacrest army? First of all bazookas don't work. The best way is to counter the enthusiasm of a Seacrest is with mega enthusiasm. Seacrest will then attempt to supermegaoutpep you and may self destruct. Do not use any drugs when attempting to outsunshine the seacrest as he has drug sniffing dogs partnering up with Seacrests all over town that will bite. Also cause drugs are bad mmkay. Science may not be ready for human cloning but American Idol, E news daily, star 107.1, stonehenge, and waiter jobs are so be careful out there.

New weeks resolutions

People love to make new years resolutions but I don't even bother. Goals are great and all, but year long goals are too general and long term for me. In my opinion making new day resolutions or new week resolutions is a lot more effective. A new years resolution of losing 40 pounds sounds like a great goal but there is no timetable leaving not much personal responsibility. If you're a regular gym user how often have you seen the person with the new headband and sweatpants show up to steal the last treadmill in January? Instead of being angry I laugh cause I know by February he will be seen less at a gym than a rap artist performing at the country music awards.

Its not that the guys new years goal was a bad one its just that he didn't pace himself. Its like trying to sprint in a marathon. If he set a weekly goal of going to the gym three times a week he would not be stressed out trying to burn all his holiday fat. Going to the gym is a skill just like anything else. You're not going to be ripped like Arnold overnight just like someone learning to cook isn't going to be Rachel Ray by February. Set tiny daily goals reach those goals and keep improving. Do this and next year you can brag about keeping up with your new years resolutions while I sit on the couch stuffing myself with see's candies.

company halt

I just don't trust companies any more. Job security in this day and age seems rarer than a solar eclipse occurring on leap year. Budget cuts are more common than paper cuts and it seems that quality employees are being dropped like a cruel game of hot potato. Sadly with this economy in shambles many people are desperate for get not poor schemes as get rich schemes don't seem in reach. Many people are making money scamming the unemployed people out of money which is revolting and disgusting.

Right now the best option in this day and age seems to be to start a honest business from home within a particular niche market. The other option seems to be finding small opportunities on the internet to get paid doing surveys, copywriting, promoting companies that want to whore out products, and my favorite begging for donations. Honestly I don't blame anyone anymore for trying to make money legally by any means necessary. I used to laugh at an episode of the Simpsons where homer urged people to send one dollar to happy dude if they wanted to be happy. Now its a genius idea. In fact I heard of this website where this guy begged for five dollar bills and made like 20 thousand dollars. Online begger or entrepreneur genius? In this day and age who cares what the label is as long as you have money in your bank account.