Later facebook friend i'm hungry

Don't know if you guys heard about this but until yesterday Burger King had an application on facebook in which if you sacrificed ten facebook friends you would receive a free whopper. Apparently facebook friendships aren't very important and 233,906 online friendships were ended. I can understand getting rid of ten facebook friends that you really don't know but I'm sure there were people out there that dumped some buddies for 3 dollars and fifty cents of angus beef on a bun. Surely more of these sacrifice applications will emerge in the next year or so. Here are five possibilities.

1. Dump your boyfriend/girlfriend via the let's just be friends facebook application and receive a free two weeks of matches on match.com

2. Convert to a new religion via the you are now saved in whatever denomination you just chose application and receive 15 percent off on the new religious book you just bought.

3. Put your pet to sleep via the get something cuter application and receive a coupon from your nearest puppy mill.

4. Foreclose your house via the you're screwed application and you get a coupon for nothing cause you're screwed.

5. Get rid of any myspace friends you have via the thanks for crushing myspace application and facebook will give you the super duper poke app.

Funny t-shirts: Join soge club

As some of you may not know a few days ago we redesigned our funny t-shirt shop http://sogeshirts.com Our site is now more organized, cleaner, has more shirts, and is able to leap buildings in a single bound. We would love everyone who reads the blog to sign up to soge club on the home page by leaving your email, answering a few questions, and confirming your subscription in your email. Soge club will very rarely be used for updates on new shirts and bargains. Instead you will receive special funny emails written by me, some odd or amusing t-shirts from around the web, and a toy prize. Ok maybe not a toy prize but we will throw in some prizes in there every once in a while. You can sign up directly here http://sogeshirts.com/signupform.html Also check out our about me section where Dave and I post our funny story of how the t-shirt company got started. Feel free to give us feedback and let us know how superkickassomegawesome the site is or if you think it sucks keep it to yourself. Just kidding tell us that too.

Also here are some of our latest t-shirt designs. Here is a funny social media t-shirt poking fun at twitter. For those of you that don't use twitter the @ replay crushing the bird represents when you talk to one of your twitter friends. If you have over a 1000 like me then you can get overwhelmed with @ replies or twitter will crash. Thus the bird gets crushed.
http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/6373867





Here's our new cute kids t-shirt I color outside the lines. Its for the rebel kid or the kid that has no artistic talent such as myself.

http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/6278947



We are also going to be making some really terrific graphic t-shirts. Here is a great skull pirate shirt.
http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/5966909


Finally we put up a funny graphic t-shirt making fun of heads vs tails. Heads and Tails want to end their rivalry once and for all.
http://www.sogeshirts.com/store/cpshop.cgi/soge/sogeshirts/6343584

The first human clone

He's on American Idol, an E news show, hosts a radio program in southern California, co hosts rocking new years eve with Dick Clarke I'm convinced that Ryan Seacrest has cloned himself. There is no other possible way he can do all these things at once and stay that cheery and androgynous. He must have cloned himself or made enthusiastic Simon Cowell handling robots of himself. I stick with the clone theory though because Seacrest still possesses some humanity amidst his smorgasbord of hollywood jobs. He's working so hard that even Oprah and Donald Trump are telling him to take it easy. There is this joke that Chuck Norris can defeat anything and anyone but I think he would get Seacrested. The Seacrest clones are too fast and too enthusiastic.

Seacrest may be a lot older than he looks. Who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby? Seacrest. Who built stonehenge? Seacrest clones of course and they whisteled the whole time. Most important why is the economy bad? The Seacrest borgs have taken up all the jobs and they aren't sharing. They especially are taking up all the waiter, concierge, and host jobs. You can't compete with their hard work, service with a smile, and the years of Simon Cowell putdowns have made them resistant to any negative complaints or shouts.

The question is how can you stop the Seacrest army? First of all bazookas don't work. The best way is to counter the enthusiasm of a Seacrest is with mega enthusiasm. Seacrest will then attempt to supermegaoutpep you and may self destruct. Do not use any drugs when attempting to outsunshine the seacrest as he has drug sniffing dogs partnering up with Seacrests all over town that will bite. Also cause drugs are bad mmkay. Science may not be ready for human cloning but American Idol, E news daily, star 107.1, stonehenge, and waiter jobs are so be careful out there.

New weeks resolutions

People love to make new years resolutions but I don't even bother. Goals are great and all, but year long goals are too general and long term for me. In my opinion making new day resolutions or new week resolutions is a lot more effective. A new years resolution of losing 40 pounds sounds like a great goal but there is no timetable leaving not much personal responsibility. If you're a regular gym user how often have you seen the person with the new headband and sweatpants show up to steal the last treadmill in January? Instead of being angry I laugh cause I know by February he will be seen less at a gym than a rap artist performing at the country music awards.

Its not that the guys new years goal was a bad one its just that he didn't pace himself. Its like trying to sprint in a marathon. If he set a weekly goal of going to the gym three times a week he would not be stressed out trying to burn all his holiday fat. Going to the gym is a skill just like anything else. You're not going to be ripped like Arnold overnight just like someone learning to cook isn't going to be Rachel Ray by February. Set tiny daily goals reach those goals and keep improving. Do this and next year you can brag about keeping up with your new years resolutions while I sit on the couch stuffing myself with see's candies.

company halt

I just don't trust companies any more. Job security in this day and age seems rarer than a solar eclipse occurring on leap year. Budget cuts are more common than paper cuts and it seems that quality employees are being dropped like a cruel game of hot potato. Sadly with this economy in shambles many people are desperate for get not poor schemes as get rich schemes don't seem in reach. Many people are making money scamming the unemployed people out of money which is revolting and disgusting.

Right now the best option in this day and age seems to be to start a honest business from home within a particular niche market. The other option seems to be finding small opportunities on the internet to get paid doing surveys, copywriting, promoting companies that want to whore out products, and my favorite begging for donations. Honestly I don't blame anyone anymore for trying to make money legally by any means necessary. I used to laugh at an episode of the Simpsons where homer urged people to send one dollar to happy dude if they wanted to be happy. Now its a genius idea. In fact I heard of this website where this guy begged for five dollar bills and made like 20 thousand dollars. Online begger or entrepreneur genius? In this day and age who cares what the label is as long as you have money in your bank account.

Orgyvision

One thing I can't stand about television is for characters who belong to a tight knit group of friends or colleagues to all have sex with each other. This concept I call Orgyvision. Take Grey's Anatomy for example. Every character on that show has partner switched more often than Illinois Governors get sent to prison. How do these fictional surgeons have time to operate on any patients when they are always operating on each other?

Saved by the bell got it right. That show believed in monogamy. Zach and Kelly, Slater and Jesse, Screech and his hand. Nothing scandalous there, just wacky teenagers growing up normal in high school. Contrary to Saved by the Bell the show Friends was another one of the orgy bed hopping TV series. Despite Ross and Rachel being in love the six friends were extremely friendly with one another. Even Joey and Rachel hooked up at one point. I don't even want to know what Ross did with his pet monkey. Say what you want about Polygamists but at least in Polygamy people get married. Although they need to let women take multiple husbands as it would guarantee someone would take out the trash.

The message that television provides to young kids is build friendships and relationships with the opposite sex. If something goes wrong in your main relationship hook up with one of your best friends later in the week. That certainly won't lead to any dire consequences down the line.

On the TV show Lost Kate is in a love triangle with Sawyer and Jack. To boost ratings this season she needs to get with Sayid, Hurley, the Smoke Monster, and a Coconut. Can you imagine what orgyvision would have been like if it spread to cartoons such as the smurfs? Poor Smurfette and Vanity Smurf would be sore (yes he's a dude). I suppose the bright side would be no more blue balls.

Unfortunately I think orgyvision is here to stay. Ratings are king and nothing is more intriguing to humans than watching others make bed hopping an olympic sport. Jerry Springer and tabloid magazines would not have thrived if this wasn't the case. I leave this discussion with this final thought... Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

We gotta kill hitler bro

In the upcoming movie Valkyrie Tom Cruise plays a German officer in the Nazi army who hatches a plot to kill Hitler. I find it kind of amusing from the previews just how non German Cruise sounds. Why not get Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Jackman, and Kermit the frog to play the part. Then you have English German, Australian German, and Muppet Frog German. Without a trace of a German accent Cruise declares that we have got to kill Hitler. I think a guy whose character's name is Claus should at least be drinking a Beck's or listening to some David Hasselhoff techno song. Plus without subtitles or a German accent the task of killing Hitler using an American accent doesn't seem as urgent.

Claus: Bro we gotta kill Hitler. Hes such a dick.

English German: Go away I'm watching Abbot and Costello. I still have no idea who is on first.

Claus: Dude that can wait. I'll buy you a best of Abbot and Costello movie reel now lets shoot that bitch ass mustache wearer.

English German: Throw in a Chaplin movie reel.

Claus: Fine man but you got to make me my favorite German dish when we're done.

English German: Hot dogs and apple pie it is.